This topic contains 9 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Onlyintime 2 weeks, 2 days ago.

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  • #99517
     Onlyintime 
    Participant

    Right enough is enough. Have any of you ladies successfully ended their relationship where asking the n********t to leave. If so..how was it scripted. I have tried” this is not working”. I cant bring myself to say that I dont love him although that’s the truth but I dont want him to go kill himself. Iv looked online and cant find any gentle but firm ways to do it where u dont get sucked back in.thanks x

  • #99519
     KIP. 
    Participant

    I pretended we needed time apart to work on our relationship. Had to promise sex on date nights but it got him out. The alternative is if it’s your property to move his stuff to a friend and then text him. He’s not going to leave, he’s got his own personal victim right where he is x

  • #99539
     fizzylem 
    Participant

    He will only hear what he wants to hear. Was my house so he had to go when I asked really. Problems arise when he has nowhere else to go. There is no easy way or answer really, I used to wonder had he rejected me, could I have got him to end it, would this have made a difference because as a wounded N he was dreadful – still is, years later.

    But then I realised that had I not thrown him out he would have never left. You see for the N, they do not crave love and intimacy like most of us, do not form emotional bonds, have zero sentimentality, so as this was never there in the first place it makes no difference to him how things are between you or how you feel – while he has a roof over his head, food in the fridge, somewhere to keep his stuff and sex if he can get this – he will never leave of his own accord. I tried starving him of his needs for a year, pulled back, didn’t do a thing for him, this made it worse but showed me so very clearly that it was always only ever me putting into the relationship – so without me giving and caring there was no relationship, even then he still didn’t leave.

    He wont kill himself, and I dont mean this to be harsh or unkind, but even if he did, that has nothing to do with you, it is his choice, a choice that is open and available to everyone – we need to respect people’s choices – always yes; especially when this happens. On the rare occassion this does happen, and it is rare, it is one last aggressive attack in these circumstances. It is his behaviour so you have no control over whether he does or he doesn’t. You know if he threatens this he is intentionally manipulating your emotions – so stand firm, ignore him, don’t let him; if you have any real concerns call his family, GP or the police and they can do a safe and well check, they can deal with him. Then if it were to happen you can say to yourself I did what I could, I acknolwegded I had no power here, other than to ask others to step in – which I did.

    My ex threatened sucicide so many times I can’t recall the number – never even attempted it. I remember once he called and it left me in bits, scared stiff, I decided to go to work but I couldn’t concentrate, so I called him on my break, turned out it was like the originol converstaion never even took place?! He’d moved on – and I think that was in part because he’d realised he wasn’t going to get what he wanted from me – to drop everything for him – really showed me that it was fake water works – that he can switch these on or off – I never looked back after that, decided I was never going there again – funny thing, it stopped completely from that point onwards. Don’t allow him to do this to you. Stand firm. Tell him it’s upsetting to hear how he feels of course, but if he needs help then he needs to speak with his GP – if he tells you this again you will call X, Y or Z; or better still – go completely no contact – so he can’t manipulate your feelings at all x

  • #99541
     Onlyintime 
    Participant

    Thank you kip and lem. I’m going to do this very soon. The backlash is going to be insane. I’m sure of it. Shall keep u posted but I shall not be failing this time xx

  • #99547
     Onlyintime 
    Participant

    It’s more… what do I say..

  • #99571
     fizzylem 
    Participant

    I wouldnt invest too much thought in this OIT; I’d spend more time thinking about how you can make it a safe exit and as trouble free as possible. He really wont be that interested in what and how you say it, you could spend ages thinking about this and considering his feelings. Stuff in plastic bags and changing the locks would be good, and a text message asking him not to contact you directy before you block his number, with a message saying if he does try to make contact you will call the police; or moonlight flit if you’re leaving. If you do need to have comms for children, have you seen the Our Family Wizard app? Or get him to put all messages thru a family member – if you start as you mean to go on will make this easier in the long run – as you’ll only find you need to go no contact eventually anyway when dealing with a N. I sent him a text message saying he needs to leave, it’s over. WA helpline is good for discussing how to deal with the end. It’s a dangerous time, they often ramp up their game and the emotional manipulation – which you can already see coming hey. Stay safe x

  • #99578
     Onlyintime 
    Participant

    This is ridiculous but I dont think I should text him as he will go crazy and come straight from work. Like when I emailed him when he was abroad..he was home the next day to beg and cry. Was horrible. I’m gonna give WA a call and do a bit more research. I’m sure there shall be an incident this weekend but I’m not that scared anymore. I would welcome another episode as it would reinforce my reasons. Cant wait to see my babies happy..me happy..even the dog happy.

  • #99582
     KIP. 
    Participant

    He’s going to go crazy anyway no matter how you tell him. The main thing is he doesn’t have access to you. After you text him can you change the locks and stay at a friend or warn him that you will call the police if he turns up. The most important thing is your safety. Nothing you say will make this easy, he’s not your responsibility.

  • #99587
     Onlyintime 
    Participant

    I just watched a video on emotional abusive phrases and I sat with my jaw on my knees. Soon very soon I predict this weekend.

  • #99670
     Onlyintime 
    Participant

    Still together. Still dreaming of the day. He must have a 6th sense as is being so very extra nice. Hate myself today more any other day. At least il have my period this week and he will stay away from me in that respect.

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