What would you do?

[Scottish Thistle]

Hi all, looking for a bit of advice I know what I want to do but not sure if it’s just me over thinking. My ex has all his personal belongings but has said prior to the house being marketed he wants access to assess if remedial work is required, to take pictures and collect our agreed split of house contents (detail removed by moderator)

I believe this tactic is to further intimidate me and show him as in control.

I have in no way caused damage to our house and any repairs needing done I have had repaired and paid for myself.

Obviously I wouldn’t be in when he was here and would have some one in while he was here but feel it would still be an invasion of my privacy as basically the contents in the house now (less agreed split items) are my own personal items and documents which I know he would try and snoop through.

It’s just really unsettled me something so small to others. Any advice greatly received on how to deal with this

Thanks

[Hereforhelp]

Hey lovely, I didn’t want to read and run. My husband used this tactic when we separated. For me, I put a boundary in saying no he could not come in to do any work due to the distress it caused our children and then sent him receipts for the work I had paid to have done and asked for half. Of course he ignores this (he doesn’t like parting with money, he uses his money to show off!) But, he has stayed out of the house. If my ex did enter I would ring the police.

I do not know your situation (do you have a non mol? Residence order in place? I don’t yet) some of my message may be removed as I cannot put in personal information foe where I am at however, yes your partner is using this same tactic to keep control. He may also threaten suicide or feign depression to get what he wants (they often change tactics once you say no to something they feel entitled to have, if safe then would you feel comfortable to say no to him?

Sending love and strength ❤

[KIP.]

Ignore what he wants. Give him the agreed items and ignore any of his other requests. My ex did the same. It’s just another means of control and I wouldn’t be surprised if you agreed then he didn’t turn up. Step back from the crazy and only do what you feel is necessary. Trust your gut and make sure he cannot legally enter the property.

[Scottish Thistle]

Hi both thank you for your replies. Heretohelp (detail removed by moderator) when he collected his belongings the last time he was told to collect from the garden as I would not facilitate him being in the house. He’s not the quickest at acting on anything so if he did find repairs (he won’t) he would drag his heels to rectify. I did say to my solicitor at our last communication that he would come back with other demands just to prolong the hold on me and this is what he’s doing now.

Kip – yes I’m not going to play his game and will get my solicitor to be blunt with him again, I just didn’t want to think I was reading to much into things or being unfair (although he’s put me through much worse). He would definitely turn up just to prove a point but would be here ages stalling to leave.

I’m going to chat with my solicitor and give her my concerns about his latest request.

Thank you both

[Bananaboat]

They don’t see belongings like we do, they see them as a way to control us. They’ll take bare minimum with them, then use what’s left to mess us about, replacing those via a new supply, as KIP said saying they’ll come then don’t. If any repairs are required then say they’d be deducted from the joint proceeds, but I’d do all this via your solicitor and keep strong x

[Scottish Thistle]

Thank you bananaboat yes all communications are through our solicitors we have no contact, not without trying on his part though. He’s been the opposite at the start wanted to claim everything until we had said it was not a fair split of assets some of the items he wanted were gifts to me alone.

[Twisted Sister]

I would state that he would have to hire and pay for an independent to do any inspection as he is not allowed to enter the property and could not be relied upon for impartiality, also given a deadline to complete this by. This would comply with his ownership/blocked access rights.

Unless you already have an inspection done which you could offer to share, or ask him to carry out one, and you too, that he has to pay for both, as this is his want, and to comply with impartiality you each instruct your own.

I’m sure if he has a stake in the property he would probably have a legal right to this inspection, just not personally because of the orders overriding (which is his own fault!)

Definitely not coming in, and if he does you’ll report him of course 🙂

warmest wishes

ts

[Anonymous]

Is he the type that would intentionally cause some kind of damage to make out you did it? or find something stupid to complain about like an o.t.t landlord? I think he is probably trying to do it to stress you out it’s the same tactics, just using it for a different reason, does he have these rights to “check” on things you could take an order out against him if you want no contact or if possible have someone there with you (cos he could be awkward with the arrangements and change them) let’s face it abusive people are awkward about everything, ask citizens advice they probably know about these things they’re good like that 🤗💙🤗

[Scottish Thistle]

No I don’t think he would intentionally damage anything, it’s more that he can’t let go off me and because I have blocked all communications with friends he used to use in the past to get to me he has no ‘fuel’ so to speak. I’m quite a private person and don’t post my daily life on social media so he has no idea what I do in my life now where he’s the opposite and would post everything would drive me mad.

I have no objection to the house being valued or that my only concern is him in the house. I will talk my concerns over with my solicitor and let you know how I get on – thanks all for your help

[Anonymous]

Cool, yeah I get you I’ve known a few like that tryna find things out (using other ppl and all kids of ways) they are kind of like obsessive stalkers and infections getting around the place, I’m doing exactly the same, limiting what I tell people I’m doing and being choosy who I give any information to, (you gotta be with these things) good luck, yeah let us know you get on with it 💙🦢💙

[Scottish Thistle]

So a little update — after discussing with my solicitor we went back with a response that seemed fair and one that would stop any further demands/stalls.

(detail removed by moderator)

So deflated had my hopes up that I was one step closer to be finally free from his hold to being stuck again.

[Eggshells]

Try not to get too down my lovely. You are still closer to getting to freedom. (detail removed by moderator)

If your solicitor hasn’t already applied for a court date, it might be worth doing now. It means that he can drag his feet as much as he likes but it doesn’t have to slow you down. The only one who loses out is him. Youll have a final date for all negotiations to end, in court if necessary.

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