I totally understand how you are feeling. I guess our awful memories catch up with us and it’s our bodies way of dealing with it.
It helps me plan one thing to look forward to every day -however small, also to just take little steps and not try to plan ahead. I focus on what I’m doing for the next few hours or if really bad the next 15mins,
It does get easier, you’ve gone through so much.
Counselling helped me.