What’s happening?

[BlueLion]

Sorry for posting again.

I posted the other day after being dragged out of the car.

I was ready and set to leave, but I brought it all up and told him that was it and he said he would leave but still blamed work etc.

But, everything has gone back to normal and nice/loving. We’ve got friends that are going through some tough times that need our support, as well. Am I being love bombed? There’s so many family event coming up that we’re going to. The run up to Christmas is busy, am I getting caught up in it all?

Sorry. I’m not really sure what i’m asking or what i’m saying.

[Anonymous]

I haven’t read your other post sorry bit if he’s anything like my partner I think it might be fakeen (love bombing?). I feel really stupid actually because mine was being so nice and loving until tonight. Sorry if your situation is different. I don’t want to give the wrong advice. I’m slowly learning that for my situation it’s a very bad idea telling him anything like considering leaving.

[lover of no contact]

Hi BlueLion,

Google the cycle of abuse. You are in it with him at the moment. The red part is a major incident of abuse (sounds like him dragging you out of the car ) was the red part. Then the abuser defaults into the green phase (or love-bombing as you rightly call it). The reason they do this is to keep us from leaving, to confuse us and to give us hope. After a while the nice part or non-abusive time will end and you will both be in the yellow phase which is the tension-building phase. He will be nasty/nice and gradually lead up to ‘nearly continuous nasty’ until you will find yourself on the receiving end of a definite abusive incident (red phase). He will then default into green (nice/non-abusive) and so the cycle goes round and round and will never end until we put a stop to it by leaving.

This is a lot for you to take in. Awareness is very difficult but don’t fear awareness or reality, it is necessary to face, so you can break free from this abusive relationship. Keep posting and reading the posts. Knowledge is Power and you will be guided with this knowledge how and when to make the necessary decisions. Don’t panic. I have been where you are now. I got out …eventually. Gather support around you, this Forum and Women’s Aid.

Don’t mention any plans to leave to him again as he will do his utmost (love-bombing and/or threats) to keep you in the abusive relationship (and its the most dangerous time with an abuser when they know we are planning to leave) as he needs to continue to get his ‘high’ from hurting you. But keep planning to leave with us on here.

[Author]

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