Whats it like in a refuge

[Spacedout]

I’m ready to go. But really scared about what’s next. My life has been here for (detail removed by moderator).

What’s a womens refuge like.
Can I be on my own for awhile.
Do they give help for mental health.
I have no children so I’m not to sure if they will take me.
I have all kinds of evidence. Photos,voice notes, messages.

I’m just really scared. My life has been here. I don’t want it to be with him anymore. He knows he has issues but will not go and get help. He says things like I’ll get help, then he’ll change his tune to I’m never going to change.

I look at him and feel nothing. Yet why can’t I just pack a bag and go, whys it this hard? All my stuff, my pets, my routine, gone cause of him. I hate him. He’s constant. Belittling, undermining, aggressive, threats, harassment, literal torture. The noise, its all noise, a banging doors will have me scared, a raised voice, a smashed glass,.. even him getting upset at something else, gets me on edge cause iknow it’s only a matter of time before I’m dragged into it.

I’m exhausted

What was it that made you go? What was the last thing

[Lisa]

Hello Spacedout,

I can hear how frustrated you are feeling in terms of how difficult it is to walk away. Unfortunately this is the nature of domestic abuse, it leaves us feeling trapped, stuck and isolated, it’s not your fault and you are not alone, so please try not to be too hard on yourself for this.

I hope some other users will be able to share their experience of refuge to give you an idea what to expect. I know survivors on the forum have had mixed experiences.

This page on the website may also be helpful to look at in the meantime: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/the-survivors-handbook/what-is-a-refuge-and-how-can-i-stay-in-one/

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Twisted Sister]

Hi Spacedout

Sorry for your horrible situation. Noone finds it easy to completely walk away from their life this way, I feel for you I do, its a desperately hard thing to do, and done out of desperation, just to escape, as any refugee the world over will tell you. To walk out on your life is only ever something done because staying is worse.

I do know that refuges take single women as well as those with children. I wonder if you would in speaking to them ask a bit about them first to be sure the one you can get into does have what you need and can meet your needs adequately.

Does it have to be you that leaves? There are other routes to making him leave because he is abusing you. Have you explored or considered other ways to do this? These are not asks for you to share more information, just things for you to consider for yourself and whats best.

Have a look through the forum here and read the various experiences of women’s life and thoughts around abuse, there was also a thread within the last couple of weeks perhaps, that many women contributed to on what their final straw was that made them leave. There is no one thing that fits all, it is about getting to a point of not being able to take anymore though, whether thats from a realisation of how bad it is, or that a specific incident has brought you to that point.

Take your time to consider your options to make sure this is what you need, refuges run differently depending where you go, and have different types of accommodation, some may not be suitable, some may be a very good fit for you, but they all seem to have one-to-one worker support for you which would include advocacy to help you access whatever you need on your journey.

warmest wishes

ts

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