whats stopping me?

[LookingForAnswers]

I have a list of solicitors names I can contact. I have a company I can get free legal advice from (through work) that all I need to do is ring up and they will be able to help.
I am so close to being able to either make him leave, or be able to make plans myself and kids to leave.

so why cant I? why cant I pick up that phone and ring people. get the help I need.

I want him gone, out of my life. but things are ‘ok’ at the moment. he is on his best behavior. we are not sleeping in the same room still. we are not arguing as much because he is ‘holding it in’ or if we do, he says his trying its not working or he is not doing enough.

I hate being in the same room as him, I try and spend as much time in a different room as I can.

he is taking the kids away with his parents for the first time ever without me, so I don’t want to do anything that will stop that from happening.

feel confused and alone.

[KIP.]

You’ve been brainwashed and programmed by abuse. It’s confusion when they are being nice. Google the cycle of abuse, however this won’t last long. Use the time he is away to speak to all these agencies. Tell yourself you don’t have to make a decision but it’s really important that you know what Rights you have. When I spoke to solicitors etc it opened my eyes to the lies he had told me for years. Educate yourself. I might just make that decision easier. If you’re looking for an abusive outburst as a reason to leave. You don’t need that. I waited and waited for my get out of jail free card. Which was his affair. But I could have and should have walked away years earlier. Don’t make my mistake x

[Anabela]

I recommend the book “Why does he do that?” to anyone I can. Because it is especially useful during “calm” moments, to remind yourself that it is temporary. To remind yourself of who he really is and that he will not change. I was asking that question constantly myself as you do. I hated his presence, I tried to keep things calm and yet felt paralyzed to end it. I just could not imagined myself doing it until I finally did.

[Itwastimetostopit]

I felt like this for months in the end it ended up being a massive mess. Social services are now involved due to him.
But at the time I couldn’t make that final step.

The calm never lasts and I’m sure your waiting for the fall and that cycle is never ending.

I wasn’t thinking about me fully I kept thinking of how kids feel and guilt towards him.

This final step is hard

[LookingForAnswers]

it doesn’t help that I hate hate hate talking on the phone, not sure why. I have to pace around the house and cant stand still while talking. I can feel my heart pounding when I start to dial. I also get more tongue tied and mix up my sentences. don’t get me started on when people ring me!
I prefer face to face or even better e-mails/text. but for the free legal advice I have to ring.

I have read that book “why does he do that” its on my work computer and I open it up when needed. I know what I need to do, I know what I should do. but its taking that final step and knowing that this could be the end of it (also the beginning of a very stressful fight).

i’m not sure if I’m waiting for that ‘final’ fight or incident from husband. he knows I don’t want him there, I have told him to leave. he did leave and then asked to come back, I said no. but he still came back anyway. he has as much right to the house as I do. this year there has been 4 arguments bad enough for the relationship to end, but he is refusing. he still thinks we can work through things. saying I am giving up on the relationship. I am, and for good reasons, that’s what I keep telling myself.

I have been able to get my name of the joint account, and hoping to buy my own car soon. so we don’t have to share. soon the only thing that will link us finically will be the house. but I need him to leave, to sort out what I’m entitled to to show that I can afford it on my own. in fact I will be better off without him there as I wont need to pay for things that he needs. but I can prove that or buy him out while he is still here.

thank you all for listening.

[White Rose]

You’re nearly there. You’ve done a lot already, all you need now is that final small but significant step to ask for the last bit of help.
Many people struggle on phone so if pacing helps – do it. Write a list of what you want to ask and keep pacing but head back to a table to read your list and to write the answers down. When you make the call and get through to the person you need to talk to, tell them how hard you find it.
You can do this and you have a good opportunity when he’s away. I hope you feel brave enough to pick up the phone. Don’t miss your chance xx

[Scalesfell]

Im in the process of getting out. I feel all these things so heres what has helped me.

Make a list before you phone. Write what you want to ask.

Tick off as you go.

Don’t be afraid to say your nervous/ confused whatever the hell you feel. They know and under stand and help you. Pace. Breath. Close your eyes even. That helps.

Just take one step at a time. But make yourself do it. You will feel surreal and unreal. But do it anyway.

Go through again and again why you want to leave. Write it down. Read this every day.

Don’t minimise what he has done.

You deserve not to feel like this every day.

All the very best of luck and hope for you. X

[Iwantmeback]

Thank you so much for this post. Im in a quiet spell just now and know i should be finding things out now, ive tried many times to call WA never mins a solicitor. To no avail. Talking with you all is helping me so hopefully my decision said outloud to leave will eventually turn into the act of leaving.
Best of luck lookingforanswers
IWMB💕💕

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