What’s the right support group?

[puzzledatlife]

There are a few women’s aid support groups and I would like to attend one. I am also seeing a psychologist privately and I an finding the therapy very useful.
My problem is not my last relationship. That too. But I think my main problem I need to deal with is abuse in my childhood and teenage. Lots and lots of heavy physical abuse and perhaps even worse the emotional and psychological one, the constant rejection and isolation. I am beginning to really get an understanding of how I choose partners that will end up doing the same to me. Maybe not physical violence but certainly sudden rejection and isolation. After last one I ended up not wanting to live any longer and I struggle to even understand and live up to my own needs. I don’t know what these are. Therapy is helping but I have read that it is best to also participate in a group of peers support.
The problem is that a lot of the groups seem to be for women who have suffered domestic violence in their relationship, and may be are in refuge or other similar circumstances. I was never hit by my last partner and neither from the previous ones. None of my partners had alcohol or drug problems as far as i know. Therefore I am not sure whether these groups would be a peer support or which group would be more appropriate. Any advice?
Thank you

[Tiffany]

I would just try one and see how it feels. If you like it then stick with it. If not try a new one. Abuse is abuse, and I think you will go d that women in all these groups will be able to relate to you, even if their experiences aren’t exactly the same as yours. I have a close friend who is a recovering drug addict. When they first quit they went to Narcotics Anonymous, but as we live in a rural area, and there isn’t a local support group nearby they now attend Alcoholics Anonymous. Obviously NA would be more useful as the members would have more similar experiences to my friend than those going to AA. But AA, as the only local option has still been enough to keep them clean. The experiences are similar enough that they can still help, even though they haven’t been through precisely the same things. I think you will find the same to be true. And you are in the lucky position that there are actually several groups to chose from, so if the first one you try doesn’t seem a good fit then you can try a different one.

[puzzledatlife]

Thanks Tiffany that’s very helpful
X

[Twisted Sister]

Dear Puzzledatlife

You sound, sadly, like you are blaming yourself for these partners treating you this way?!

Fornyo lookb for abuse and somehow being instrumental in their abuse.

You are not, they have done this, they chose you.

Please look at the post that I made to you when you talked about your therapy. You are not to blame for any of this.

A certain proportion of women ARE going to be unlucky enough to be in a relationship with one of these men, simply because these men are not there. There are no statistics supporting any theory about women finding abusive men, and this is invalidating for l the women who didn’t have abusive pasts, and there will be women on here who had happy nurturing childhoods and yet suffered appalling abuse.

Please find the post I wrote to you about the therapy that you talked of.

You have been unlucky; there are women on this forum from all different backgrounds, socially, economically, health-wise, there isn’t a ‘type’ that gets abused and to not know this as a therapist is to not understand the nature of abuse.

It’s all his fault, and all you can do is go to somewhere like freedom programme to learn what flags to look out for and to fully understand why hey do it. They hate women. So the only way you could ‘change yourself’ is to not be a woman! They hate us all, its not personal, they believe us to be less than human money grabbing and deranged. They use us to be loyal and trusting of them, caring and kind, nurturing. All amazing female (and decent male) traits.

You are a woman traumatised through life.

Being female in a patriarchal society with misogynistic men is what predisposes us to abuse, and our goodness is their lifeblood.

Freedom programme is an awesome peer grpup, as physical violence is actually rarely discussed, its all the other very powerful tactics that are used to control that cause such harm, like you said, the emotional and psychological.

Please keep posting, we’re all here to help however we can.

Warmest wishes ts

[Iwantmeback]

Hi TS, thanks for this post. I’m rarely physically abused but the psychological and emotional can be consuming. The support group you mentioned sounds as if it could help me too. Is that through WA?
How are you coping today? I read your post on letting go. Its very hard. Love yourself and try not dwell too much. I used to go into my kids rooms, sit on the bed and just bawl. It helps. We just have to be strong
Much love and hope to you
IWMB💕💕

[puzzledatlife]

Thanks for your words ts. I’ll look for my previous post and will look for freedom programme
Big hugs x

[Twisted Sister]

Good luck x

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