When do things truly get better

[Eyesopening]

Hi lovelies,
Just wanted to talk, been having a pretty bad month really. Since the guy I was seeing ended things.
I feel like maybe he distracted me for quite a few months and since him I am now left with my own thoughts and feelings and have so much to process still. I didn’t expect it to take so long. I still have the waves of missing him and wondering if I did the right thing, to knowing I did the right thing.
I still dream of him, not in a scared way anymore, I did alot of ptsd work and i think most the truama is gone, but I dream of him in just normal everyday way. He is jsut on my mind. It feels like we had such a deep connection. I feel like I should of tried harder to save the relationship. That its so hard to actually meet a good guy. I feel like all men are probably abusive in some ways. No one is perfect. I miss him and my old life so much..
Its the first time that i really wanted to contact him. I also have been feeling guilt, for leaving him behind his back, for blocking him with no explaination. I was so scared at the time though.. I just couldnt cope..I feel like I must be weak, that other women wold of handled it differently, would of been able to manage him, to not get anxious around him. He triggered me becuase of the way my father was. Maybe other women wouldnt be trigered. I feel like I lost something great in some ways…:/

I recently started a new therapy with the intent on increasing my self worth, my therapist says we can’t really work on your self esteem if your still having PTSD symptoms and being triggered in your home by your father. She makes me feel worse. I have been having thereapy for so long now and i am still in this place..

I live with my parents, i cant really afford to rent. I have a job I do like that pays terribly, but the job has allowed me alot of rest and I don’t have to work exgtreamly hard. I need a new better paid job to really move on with my life, I just don’t know if i am ready mentally & physcally, I am so fatigue easily. When I am around people, I find it hard to relax, I get tired really quickly.. I can’t imagine how I would cope with a new job..

xx

[nbumblebee]

One day at a time isnt that what you tell me? My goodness you have been through so much s**t and really do need to give yourself a break. Start the new therapy as hard as it is im trying emdr therapy as nothing else works for me its a trial and error sort of thing takes time sweetie as with anything your mind your brain is so complex and has dealt with so much stress and hassle its no wonder its tired and needs help.
Allow yourself to rest in the safety of your parents enjoy your job for a while get yourself stronger before you take on the challenge of starting a new job.
Never ever forget just how amazing you are just how s**t life has been and you got through it you did it. Sending you the biggest hug sweetie xxxxx

[Eyesopening]

Hey hunny, thankyou as always for being there.
I am just so mentally tired, I want a break from everything. Maybe I should have some time off work and do something nice. Just I am struggling to decide what to do. I feel like decisions are so hard for me.
My Dad can be abusive to my mum and it realy triggers me so my therapist says I need to get out of this environment to heal. He is rarely bad and its only small comments, which for a long while had stopped affecting me, just recently he is effecting me again. I know i will struggle with a job, just life is a struggle atm.. I don’t know. But it will blow over and I will be fine living here until he gets moody again. I lived in the cycle of abuse all my life. Now I am back in, how can I ever not fall in this trap. I had a coffee with a family friend who may be able to help me out a room for a more reasonale rate in a few months.. We’ll see.
Kisses and hugs to you too x*x

[nbumblebee]

Ahhh im so sorry im pants at advise i didnt realise your dad was abusive im so sorry. I agree then it that case you cant heal from one abusive relationship in a house with another believe me i know. This friends room sounds like a plan? And a nice goal to look ahead too?
Can you maybe try and reach out for some financial advise see what you are entitled too? I know its exhausting fighting all the time some days you just wanna curl up and stay put right? Yeah me too but then what? Wont make it any better any easier? All we can do is fight on. Just know you are not alone we are fighting right along side you xxxx

[Twisted Sister]

Hello Eyeopening

Please try to be gentle with yourself, this is hard, possibly one of the hardest things you will ever do, and its expected that you will feel such a mix of emotions, including missing and grieving him. This is only natural, it doesn’t mean you should go back to it though. If there was nothing, no emotional connection of any sort holding you there, you may have left sooner, you may never have got entangled with him. There are many strong connections made where there is abuse.

Your therapist, is, I would say, right. She is protecting you from further trauma, by not further opening traumas, whilst you are still being exposed to it. Recovery is for after its gone. Her best option to help you is to be there when you offload and need support to keep going whilst suffering it. Once you are fully safe, you can start to look at opening up and healing from the trauma.

It occurs to me that you could be eligible for funding assistance to move to your own place, especially as you are in an abusive situation still. You would need to contact your local council, and local abuse services to you for support to help you through this process and to possibly support your claim.

First things first, get to a place of safety and use your therapist to offload onto. Look after yourself well, and its a massive positive that you enjoy your work (despite the bosses poor attitude), is there anything you can raise with them, or others in your team to get some support, or HR if its a large enough company?

Do keep talking and working out your way out of this.

warmest wishes

ts

[Eyesopening]

Thankyou twisted siter so much, I really need your support today.
That was my therapists plan, that I see what support I can get to leave this situation.. I asked my local DA, she said she doubts I will be able to get help with funding as I work, but I should check with the council..
Seems unreal to need help to leave my parents home, I mean my whole family kind of jsut pretend my parents are normal, my mother also makes me anxious with her anxiety and scattyness. I can’t believe at her age she still lives this life..I thought when I didn’t live here that things where better for my parents. But it seems like nothing has changed. It’s so sad, and I feel bad for my Mum. I wish she had left, me and my sister are complete mess because of my Dad’s abuse and are missing out on living our lives. It got bad at a point this year my Mum was even wanting outside support. I found it all so triggering I was hanging by a thread and I couldnt get involved, I don’t know what happened in the end..she has a friend who suports her and my sister does even though she also finds it triggering.
Kisses x*x

[Twisted Sister]

yes, that feels impossible, but it seems more likely you would be able to offer help to your mother if you were not stuck also!

At the moment you are all suffering it, and your mother’s behaviour seems to be a product of your father’s abuse to her, which you are exhibiting too, along with your sister possibly.

She possibly doesn’t know herself how to extricate herself from her years of abuse, because its not as simple as just shutting the door behind you, as we know. It really does take work to extricate and unravel yourself from it before getting to the stage of thinking through a leaving plan.

I’m glad you have felt supported here. Do keep talking and working your own way out. I hope that you can get financial support also, under these particular circumstances.

warmest wishes

ts

[Shazza]

I’m sorry you are having such a tough time at the moment. I can really relate to all that you have written in your post.
You are probably right in that the latest relationship was a distraction and now you are having to begin to sort through all those feelings that were still underneath the surface.
It is so hard when we leave but are still in a less than ideal environment.
My therapist also feels I need to leave where I am currently as it isn’t helping me to heal. But options seem so limited and sometimes I feel like the best option is to go back. But then I stop and think about it properly and know its not the answer.
You left in the way that you did because you had no choice. He pushed you to that point and that is not your fault.
You are doing the best you can im a horrible situation. From what I’ve been told all these feelings and emotions are a normal part of leaving the abusive relationship. Doesnt make it much easier to get through them though. But we are all here for you.
Let’s keep taking it one day at a time. One hour if needs be. Xx

[Eyesopening]

Hey Shazza, thankyou for you kind words, it’s so tough isn’t it. I miss him so much today. Its been so long, I had no idea this would go on for so long :/ xx

[Eggshells]

Hi Eyesopening

I was in exactly the same position. I had to move back in with my parents (an abusive mother).

I don’t know enough to be able to advise you on finding a place of your own but I would like to offer you some hope.

You will find a way out. Take a break, time off work and away from your parents for a few days then come back recharged and firing on all cylinders to find a way to leave your Dad’s home.

Once you’ve found a place that you can feel safe in, things will start to get better. It can be a difficult time after you leave and you ping from place to place like a billiard ball. Things will settle though. xx

[Hopefulgreyrock]

You are not weak. And no other women could have have handled it!!!!

Sending love. Keep going. X*x

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