When does it get any easier?

[Woodsforthetrees]

I’ve been out for a long time. I was diagnosed with PTSD last year from the abuse which I still can’t believe believe because he never hit me. I ended up in hospital about (detail removed by moderator) after I left and was often quite confused thinking I was still with him.

I keep passing out, crying and have nightmares. Nothing he did seems bad enough to have such strong a reaction. I think it’s taking its toll on my current partner (who is lovely and respectful).

I’m in therapy but talking doesn’t seem to be helping and I don’t know how to move forward. I’ve just been able to say I was in an abusive relationship but now I’m not so sure. I always thought he was just being honest, I can’t see it as abuse.

I was attending the freedom program but covid stopped the group and I was so upset at hearing from women who were being hit when secretly that was what I always wanted to happen.

Im trying to hold down a job, working from home, but everything feels like too much and I feel just as helpless as I was then. When does it get better?

[Wants To Help]

Hi,

I’m afraid it just doesn’t magically get better. From my own experience, things just got a little easier, bit by bit over time. Abusive relationships mark and scar us all in different ways because we all respond differently to the abuse we have suffered. I believe the support network we have around ourselves help with our recovery, and also the help that we seek out. It’s such a shame that your Freedom Programme got cancelled. I do hope that you are prioritised to go back on it when it starts up again.

Have you seen your GP recently regarding your passing out? This may be something else to do with your health and should not be ignored. You can mention your nightmares too. There may be something they can prescribe to help you through the night, but I’d certainly get it checked out as to why you are passing out.

For me, moving forward was about setting myself little goals to achieve. Saving some money for a weekend break at Butlins with my son was one of my first goals! I’d never been to Butlins before, but I knew they were very child oriented and it was the most affordable break I could manage. I was so pleased when I booked it and it was an enjoyable time for us both.

[Eggshells]

I’ve been trying to read “The body keeps the score” which deals with PTSD but I’m finding it really hard going. I’ve had to give up on it for now as I’m not coping day to day but I know lots of ladies have read it. Hopefully one of them might be able to give you some insight into PTSD and what does actually work.

In the meantime, have you seen your GP? There are several options for medication that might help you through this difficult time.

[Woodsforthetrees]

Thank you both. Before I was diagnosed my psychiatrist recommended I see a neurologist which I did and they ruled out anything else and said it was probably the PTSD.

I have read that book (well most of it). It’s the reason I started yoga and joined a choir (which has also been cancelled due to the virus).

My friends don’t really know nor my family for various reasons. I don’t think they would believe that I can have such strong reactions from the relationship after all these years.

I understand the little wins. I’m so glad that you have these moments. I just don’t think I can find any and I’m just bringing down my boyfriend as well. It’s not fair for him to suffer too.

[FuzzyBlanket]

I wish I could give you a big hug! It’s sound like we’re in a similar space. It was hard for me to realise that my ex was abusive. When I left him, things were going well, but now it’s a few years on and I’ve spiralled into depression. I struggle to work and see any positives- I feel absolutely worthless. The things that I did to helped me I can’t do with Covid (going to the gym and yoga were my favourite self care.) and I’m off sick due to mental health and don’t see how i will go back at the moment.

One thing that has helped me is talking to friends and family- they care for you. I didn’t think people would believe me or that they could do anything, but they really care that I’m going through a hard time and want to be there for me. I bet your family would want to be there for you. It can be hard to speak your truth, so I write stuff down and send it to people if i need to.

Little wins are tough. I struggle to see the positive in anything i do and I have an amazing partner and hate impacting him. So I’ve started writing down things that I’m grateful for and three things that I’m proud of. It’s tough and doesn’t always feel genuine, but it may help you find those little moments of joy.

You will get through this. Everyone goes through things in their own way. You’re not alone. You have all the tools you need. Mind you, I certainly don’t feel like I do right now, but I know this moment will pass. Your moment will pass, too.

[Author]

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