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Feeling rubbish today. When does the control stop when you have kids together? Ex picks and choses the best days for him to see kids which has suddenly turned from 2 weekends a month into 2 weekends in 6 months. He has no set days cos of his rota which is a nightmare but at least when he was free weekends hed have them. Hes not changed jobs so no explanation for it. I can’t join a club or anything as I’d hardly be able to go and now have hardly any childfree weekends either. I work mon to fri So he gets to do whatever he likes whenever and i can’t have any time to myself to rest and recharge just like when we were together. I’m absolutely exhausted and I can feel my stress levels rising n alot of feelings of anxiety that I’ve not felt since he left are creeping back in. It just feels like he’s still trying to wear me down until I crack.
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Hi RedStrawberry,
Sorry you were feeling rubbish, I hope that you’re feeling at least a little better today.
Unreliability like you describe is often used by abusers as a way to carry on control. He’s denying you any kind of routine which means you can’t plan your life. Trust your feelings, you know this man, it sounds like he’s using similar behaviour as when you were together to have a similar impact. Namely keeping you busy to, as you say, wear you down.
Have you been able to access any legal advice around child contact? If you’re eligible for legal aid, Civil Legal Advice (CLA) may be able to provide free advice. Child Law Advice have a lot of information on their website about child and family law and have a free helpline. Rights of Women’s Family Law line can also advise on the law and child arrangements. Finding out your options can be empowering and help you plan what you want to happen.
Take care and keep posting,
Lisa
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