When he has abused your children too

[Sadandconfused]

My ex threw my baby across the room among other very nasty and dangerous things that he did in the car and was generally totally disinterested and cruel. I managed to escape with the help of Women’s Aid and other professionals and am now at an address he doesn’t know. This was a long time ago.

How do you forgive yourself for letting these things happen? I got out as quickly as I could but had no money or transport he controlled everything and have protected the children ever since. This man now wants contact only to spite me not because he cares for the children and i’m terrified for them.

Does anyone have experience of what happens in these situations? I have been told that he could get contact? How is this possible at all? It feels like I ran and lost my whole life for nothing and now I still can’t protect them has anyone else been here? What happened is logged with all agencies and MARAC but its still really scary stuff this is an extremely dangerous person with no remorse at all.

[Confused123]

Hey Hun

IM sure u did your best and u got out in the end, as for he now wants contact with kids i think u r going to have to seek legal advise, speak to womens aid see if they can guide u and u many even have to have s services involved again, it clearly would be safer for your child if they had no contact

[Icandoit]

Hi,
I haven’t made many posts yet mainly because I don’t feel that i can offer much advice as I’ve only recently left but I do read loads of the posts and have found an awful lot of help, comfort and reassurance that it’s not just me going through these things.

The reason that I wanted to reply to your post was because my ex attacked my son. He hit him and kicked him and squeezed his head with his hands. I feel guilty because I didn’t get out sooner, he has a history of violence and attacked me many years ago and has been quite horrible to my son for quite a while.

I too have been told that there is a chance that if he goes to court for contact that he might get it – howb wrong is that???!!! I think though that maybe I might have more chance of fighting it than you because my son is old enough to say what happened and hopefully cafcass will listen to what he says, he says that he never wants to see his dad again.

Any person in their right kind would say no way should these men ever have contact after what they’ve done but even when we have fought to get our precious children out we still have to fight and defend our choices and attempts to keep them safe. It’s all so wrong.

At the moment I’m saying no he can’t see then and if he wants to take it further then he will have to go through the courts, so far he hasn’t. I wish we never had to see him or speak to him and I’m so scared at the possibility of him being awarded contact.

[Sadandconfused]

I can’t understand how any of this could possibly be its insane. Surly they aren’t going to let someone unsupervised who has done these sorts of things? I will fight till my last breath its just so b****y stressful when you know he doesn’t care for them at all its about punishing me for daring to leave him.

[Confused123]

Hey hun

I praise u for your strength yes pease do keep fightign to have no contact , these men will always try to wear us our,please remember u always have our support to encourage u

[Ayanna]

Unfortunately are the family courts crazy with their child contact rules. You do not have to accept anything and you are allowed to say no to a judge. They are not God Almighty. You are allowed to say that you fear for your child’s life and you refuse to accept any contact and give the reasons. Back it up with as much evidence as you possibly have.
If you are not happy with a verdict you can appeal.
If you manage to keep your child away from him for a longer period of time you can reason that the child does not know him and there is no bond, so seeing him would only distress the child as he is a stranger to the child.
This is reasoning in other European courts for not allowing child contact to the father.
You can try it here as well as UK is part of the EU.
Be strong! You can do it! xxxxx

[Sadandconfused]

Thank you Ayanna. I will fight till my last breath. They don’t know him its been a long time and they are very young so maybe that will help a little.
I won’t ever offer them up to him for anything they will never get me to agree that he is safe to be around at all I just hope that someone hears me its so distressing it really is. I have heard so many horror stories.
We are many hours travel away too so I am hoping taking myself completely out of the area will help too as as much as I hate this because I gave them this man as their parent he doesn’t care in the slightest and will take no blame for anything ever it is all my fault. I just hope that others realize what he is and I can keep them safe.

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