When he once needed

[Anonymous]

A new bed he basically said it would only happen if he saw more commitment from me …. it were the same regarding him needing the Internet in his house just wouldn’t pay for it because of his gambling addiction how selfish? X

[Cedarlemon]

Hi
Yes I’m afraid abusers are notoriously selfish. They manage to fund their addictions but we don’t come into the equation. You can give them 100% commitment but that is never enough , it’s their way or no way. I used to give my ex what he wanted to keep the peace but still he wanted more , so as I said selfishness is a big part of an abusers make up X

[Anonymous]

Thanks cedarmelon yes I agree if I needed something for my home I would never tell someone basically put more effort in or else it won’t happen they were no pleasing him x

[Cedarlemon]

Exactly , I used to make myself ill trying to please him and make sure everything was ok but then he’d come up with something else , it was so exhausting. I could have sat there surrounded by a million pounds but he would have said he wanted two million pounds , (hypothetically speaking of course) X

[Anonymous]

In the end I’d just given up on him. He were making mental notes as and when he ever picked me up like I should be on my knees … and how he gave everything for me oh my goodness he gave breadcrumbs and made me puzzle over him and made me paranoid highs lows no good for your mental well being especially grieving your son x

[Cedarlemon]

Oh gosh I’m so sorry about your son , that must have been horrendous for you . They absolutely f@@k your head up with their demands , it’s no wonder so many of us have mental health issues, and even if we’d got mental health issues before we met them they make them ten times worse. Again they give nothing to a relationship just misery and exhaustion and we’re supposed to be thankful for that! Take care of yourself, you are worth so much more X

[Anonymous]

It were a constant controlling battle I backed of in the end never asked him to go anywhere as he simply didn’t want yo go wouldn’t spend any money as he had an addiction he then turned it round saying (detail removed by Moderator) and never suggested anything…..he tried turning it round on me a losing battle xx

[Cedarlemon]

Yes a constant battle day in day out, battling against their addictions , their accusations etc . They will never take the blame for anything but twist it round and blame their partner (I think it’s called mirroring) . In the end I had to go on anti d’s because I was so drained and exhausted and it was affecting my work . I really don’t think their capable of loving anyone but themselves X

[Mellow]

Abusers are selfish I told my ex I need more money to help pay for the kids but he’s being selfish buying houses instead even when they have money your never a priority

[Cedarlemon]

Hi
I completely agree , their only priority is themselves , partners, children etc don’t get a look in , they have no accountability, it is so wrong and makes me so mad X

[Anonymous]

It’s all about them…he hated me grieving my son he said would I mourn for him?? Thanks I’d to snap out of it and I were deranged I’m glad I’m away he were causing more damage… he were raking over my mind saying one thing then another he made.me feel guilty when he had access to his son who has needs…he would say its OK for you you’ve freedom… I’d lost my son and I’ve older sons with special needs xx

[Cedarlemon]

When you were and still are grieving for your son he wanted the attention on himself, as you said it’s all about them , they can’t bear it , even with a terrible bereavement like you have. He should have been the one to feel guilty after saying something so awful to you. Losing your son is mental torture for you and it also must be hard for you with your other sons with needs. The freedom you’ve got now is being away from him . X

[Anonymous]

Thanks cedarlemon I’m trying to. Move forward now I couldn’t toleratevthe manipulating behaviour lies decades of gambling and him trying to inflict his inner demons onto me. He had years from me he were dragging me back x

[Cedarlemon]

It takes time and it is very hard but you will get there x They drag you down till your at your lowest with their problems, insecurities manipulation (the list goes on) so I totally understand where your coming from here. Try and find some time for yourself , and as I said before you deserve and are worth so much more X

[Author]

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