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    • #38552
      Nova
      Participant

      Omg it’s really one pile of cr*p after another atm.
      Since getting away from the vile ex I thought things may improve…not yet.
      Although not being in the same space is better, and knowing he wouldn’t be helping me anyway, is another angle I take…not like he would have come to help me in any situation..,so nothing new. Not been long about (removed by moderator). I keep trying to keep positive and assertive all that positive stuff.
      But serious mountains to climb, & I know we all have them.
      I just seem to pick myself up, and another pile of it comes flying at me…I’ve got some health issues, got a consultant appointment (removed by moderator), before that I have to speak to a lawyer (that’s going to a tough one….dreading it)

      Started a course, dropped out, just couldn’t deal with the group scene, and the pressure…now have housing issues with money…2 important council letters have not been delivered/received and they’re hounding me for C. Tax…even though I never got the letters.

      I’m getting utility bills from when he was here and going through my bank statements I see all the money I spent, without a single deposit from him…serious financial abuse. Apart from all the emotional issues.

      I could go one but feel a bit like, what’s the point saying anything, what good will it do.

      I have it to face, and I understand I’m not the only one on here and in the big world out there…I just wish I had a helping hand sometimes.
      Probably a bad day, I feel more insecure than ever, and wonder what to do next to sort all this alone as ever!

      Anyway thank G for the forum, sorry to go on!

      C

    • #38558
      Peaceful Pig
      Participant

      Hugs Cuppa, it’s still early days I’m afraid. There is so much to sort out and all of it sabotaged by the abuser every step of the way. I remember how overwhelming everything felt at that stage. You’re not alone, we’re here for you. Just remember that every little achievement is a step further away from his control. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, at your own pace. Celebrate every little achievement because they’re not little when dealing with an abuser. You’re doing brilliantly and at some point you’ll be able to turn around and realise how far you’ve come. It’s hard doing it all alone but in the long run it’s good, because we teach ourselves that we can handle it. Hoping and praying all turns out OK with the consultant xx

    • #38563
      Nova
      Participant

      Thanks PP so need all the hugs I can get right now, I feel like I’m drowning in it all, even though I’m trying to keep my head frantically above water.
      That tension feeling ..you know it! Churned up and burning anxiety, like it’s all over my body. I can’t think straight eat or sleep properly.
      I’m having counselling but seem to be just yapping away to myself! and going round in circles. I need practical help, someone by my side to just be there (here’s hoping!)
      If I’m honest I feel totally overwhelmed, everything is on hold physically and mentally I’m just taking tiny steps, and feel threatened by what!? Like I’m just being prevented mentally from getting on with things..it’s so frustrating. Trying different roads to try to make life better and seems like I’m one step forward two back!

      I believe that my life will get better, I know I cannot be with him and all the reasons. It’s just a struggle and sometimes it hits me hard.
      Better to say it, though I feel rubbish at feeling like this…it’s not the real me at all! I want her back ASAP!
      Long live this forum!

      Cx

    • #38564
      EeyoreNoMore
      Participant

      Hey Cuppa, I can relate to this. I think we are out around the same sort of time.

      I see a solicitors letter come through the door and I’m crippled with anxiety. I have a list of things I need to do but I just can’t face them.

      What has worked for me previously is to choose a day when I’m going to face it. Working up to that day can be stressful and sleepless but once you’ve sat and gone through and done all your little jobs, all the phone calls, a feeling of peace comes back.

      The counselling will be doing more than you realise, hang in there x*x

    • #38565
      Nova
      Participant

      Thanks EE it’s reassuring to know that we are on the same page …and all the ladies on here same.

      I have 3 diaries and am chasing my tail..I will get there but it’s sheer hell.
      Meanwhile I see him on social media…sending ‘care free’ messages of family life and all roses.
      I could cry scream and stay in bed for a year…all at the same time!
      Sometimes I don’t want to HAVE to be fire fighting, I want to relax and enjoy my life.

      Happy days ahead…

      Cx

    • #38569
      White Rose
      Participant

      Dear Cuppa
      You will relax and enjoy your life again but first you’ve just got to take that raging bull by the horns and deal with it.
      Lists helped me – it sounds like you are organised with your diaries but isn’t having three just too stressful? I’d end up ignoring one or two of them and being more stressed about it!
      And please try to stop looking at him on social media, block him, seeing him all the time will just make you angry.
      Keep plodding on steadily it will get better xx

    • #38574
      Dragonfly
      Participant

      Hi Cuppa

      You can only do one thing at a time. I think you need to prioritise. It’s difficult when everything’s coming at you. Maybe start with your finances. Even if he’s caused the mes, you need to fix it. Maybe do a spreadsheet, see where you are, what money’s coming in, what’s going out. Phone those you owe money to and agree to a realistic payment arrangement.

      Write a list and prioritise. Once that’s done, it’s one less stress. It will go tho. Tick off each thing you’ve sorted. Eventually you will see things improve.

      It’s practical but has to be done. We’re used to clearing up the mess anyway.

      Xx

    • #38579
      Nova
      Participant

      thanks Ladies for your support and good advice.

      I will try to slow down as I feel its the anxiety making me jittery!

      Take a step back, check my finances, drop 2 diaries..!.do the lists etc, and breathe!!

      get off social media..damaging, and negative.

      Tbh when something comes along now I just feel the impending doom…I can just about keep steady, its like the last straw sometimes..I’m overloaded & tired, & had enough..you know those times..!

      Anyway on a positive took myself to the allotment and enjoyed every minute, good move get out and about, see the green shoots, of spring.

      Thanks again ladies seriously appreciate your kindness

      Cx

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