When is it too late

[Losingbattle]

So me and my ex have been separated almost (detail removed by Moderator)months now. And on a couple of occasions I almost took him back but decided not to. Recently hes been very aggressive after not being allowed to come back. He basically said he doesn’t want me messaging him and wants to cut all ties and to do this he’ll take me to court and have the kids taken off of me. This comment also was made after I asked about him being in a new relationship. Threats of taking the kids through court. And today, messaging me making nasty comments about me having a relationship with my family and saying that they shouldn’t be allowed to see our children. Is all this still classed as abuse? I was ready last month to report him but backed down. I still don’t feel strong enough. How long is it classed as being too late to report the abuse?

[KIP.]

It’s never to late to report abuse. Ring 101 and speak to a domestic abuse officer. Yes, it’s definitely abuse and threatening behaviour. Keep all the messages for evidence. Speak to women’s aid and ask about a non molestation order. These men often threaten court. They threaten anything they can think of to try and gain the upper hand. Make sure you have residency on the kids legally or he can just not return them. Talk to a solicitor. Most offer free initial advice and Rights for Women have a free legal advice line. The police may be able to offer support and perhaps a domestic abuse non contact order depending on where you live x

[Wants To Help]

Hi LosingBattle,

If he is harassing you and threatening you, you can report him to the Police and let them know he is harassing you. If his aggression is towards you because he wants to get back with you then this is concerning. However, if you are contacting him and asking him about his new relationship he could also say he is having unwanted contact from you. Hard as it is, if you’ve split up and he has a new girlfriend, that is his business.

The only way he can dictate about whether your family see the children is if they pose a risk of physical or sexual harm to them, any other reason is just out of control and spite.

He has the right to cut all ties with you, as you do with him, and you get a court order for contact with the children and use a third party for the pick up and drops off. He can’t get the kids taken off you so that he can cut all ties with you.

If he’s been harassing you and saying nasty things to you today and you have not replied, then you could report this to the Police. Is it all one way contact to you, or is it a text argument where you have responded to him? Harassment is one way, unwanted contact. If it is not one way contact today, send him one final message telling him you want no further contact with him now and he can seek legal advice for contact arrangements for the children, and that if he continues to contact you this will be considered harassment and you will report it. Then you have to stay strong and NOT reply to anything else he sends you, no matter how nasty, how nice, how much you want to defend something he has said, reply to nothing. Do not answer any phone calls from him.

Block him on social media. If he is going to threaten to take the children off you then keep them with you for now and let him take the initiative to get a contact order. If you allow him to have them now and he doesn’t bring them back, then he’s got them until you go to court to apply to get them back. Are you prepared to take that chance?

If he gets angry that you are not answering calls or responding to texts and he turns up at your home, call the Police, do not let him in. You can then report the harassment to the Police, show them the text you have sent him and that he has responded by turning up.

[Author]

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