When to go??

[Robin]

I’m feeling strange at the moment a bit ambivivalent about my situation. I know that he’s in the calm stage of cycle right now and up until a few weeks ago I had thought I’d be able to leave but right now I don’t feel the urgency and I guess I’m waiting for him to start his verbal abuse and threats again.

I wondered have any of you left during a the ‘calm’ phase? Did it feel like the right time to go and did you have any doubts about this? I’m not sure if it’s right to keep planning or wait until another flare up – what’s worse??

I don’t feel properly relaxed because I am expecting some sort of unreasonable behaviour but neither is it bad right now.

[WalkerInTheRain]

Once I made the decision to go, I picked a date and proceeded with my plan.
The calm periods made me question whether I was making the right choice but I focused on the bad times and why I’d chosen to go.

The quiet periods caused me so much anxiety. When he was kicking off, I knew where I stood and what to expect.

[Confused123]

HI Hun

Soon as i got keys i started pre packing, he even caught me once, he knew i was planning to leave, in end i told him end of month , they cant keep the nice act up , hee thought it was still a bluff even though he was pre warning his sisters who just kept saying she wont go, b4 my deadline date, i think two weeks b4 , he started on me go, i fled that night , so i would suggest that in this nice period use it to get your stuff together and starting shifting it , sadly there is never a right time to leave

[Daisy]

Keep to your plan Robin,
It’s so easy to think in the calm phase there is more time available abd it’s less urgent but be careful you don’t end up having to flee in a unprepared hurry if he reverts back to type. Time to start relying on your decisions now, good luck x x x

[Memand]

Hi Robin,
I’m not sure if I can be of any assistance, but am in the same situation. I made up my mind for the first time after a sexual assault (the first one I had recognised as such) and a particularly vicious episode of anger (all my fault, naturally) that I would leave. We are now back in the calm period though and I feel my resolve slipping. I think the advice about recording his voice when he lets fly is good, that way you can listen to it every time you doubt yourself.
Stay strong, sending you hugs.
x

[Author]

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