Viewing 6 reply threads
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    • #13190
      betterdays
      Participant

      How long after from starting it did u start to feel better. E.g how did u feel after week 1. 2 and so on x

    • #13196
      Ayanna
      Participant

      I was dead inside, just dead and felt nothing for a very long time. I never missed him once. The only feeling I get sometimes is the anger about the injustice that I suffered from the patriarchal abuse promoting system and from him.

    • #13198
      Confused123
      Participant

      hi hun

      i really struggled with no contact as he always found excuses to contact me and i felt i had to answer but i mthink when i did start no contact starting at few days building up to week, staright away i noticed difference i felt with no contact and when he contacted me, he totally messed my thinking mentally, and had me feeling so low and confused

    • #13215
      Nemo
      Participant

      been no contact for just over (detail removed by moderator) months now and not 1 day have i regretted it. it feels massive when you take that step but once it’s done you feel an incredible weight lift. no worrying about whether to / what to reply incase it prompts him to track you down because a) you’re response has triggered of his anger, or b) you’re attempts to appease him are misinterpreted as a chance for him to get youre relationship back.
      plus they know exactly how to push our buttons to get a response just to open up a line of communication where they can manipulate us into giving them another chance and/or continue to make us feel like worthless human beings who deserve nothing – except abuse from them.

      i changed my number and email address, deleted all social media accounts and all of my friends and family did the same – i think that my family & friends all committing to the no contact too (even though there were times when they desperately wanted to tell him exactly what they thought of him), is what really made the no contact a wholly positive experience for me. i didn’t have anyone telling me ‘he’s just posted x, y & z on facebook’, and i never had to worry about him trying to pass on msgs to me via other people, etc.
      And it killed him that he had absolutely no way of communicating with me or provoking me to engage with him.

    • #13287
      Escaped not free
      Participant

      No contact is what absolutely drive my ex to distraction. I had suicide threats, threats of legal action for portraying him as a wife b****r because I told him he scared me, he lied about going to his solicitor about this, he lied about not being able to eat….he left his dishes everywhere when u sneaked back in the house to collect stuff, he sent me text telling me he was deeply sorry for the hurt he caused and was blocking my number because I wouldn’t text him…the irony apparently lost on him! Two days later we were back to raging texts, then he sent me ones telling me he was suddenly deeply troubled by the sudden death of his sister 30yrs ago! And I was heartless for not helping him through this…..obviously unblocked my number!:-) All the while he’d made us homeless by not leaving the house even when I’d
      offered to pay rent. ALL of the rubbish was about him and his feelings. Not at one single time did he consider mine or my children’s needs. My son spent his birthday sleeping on a sifa at my parents, his big sleepover cancelled and he didn’t even make reference to the fact it was his birthday, just more stuff about how awful and unsupportive I was by not helping him through this hard time he was having. I was still suffering from glandular fever my go believed brought in by stress and yet still it was all about me not doing enough for him. The mister perverse part is although I liked the fact I no longer was responding he was still making me feel guilty…I can’t for the life of me rationalise this but he did and does. I’ve now got a new phone and have been very selective over who has the number. I ache for him and miss him desperately my monster, I mourn him every day but the advice I received to look at trauma bonding has made a huge amount of sense to me. Explains why I feel the way I do. Unfortunately knowing why doesn’t make it stop. X*x

    • #13371
      determined survivor
      Participant

      I started feeling better after I was sure the no contact was going to work this time. I had tried to go with no contact before, but he always found a way to contact me. I had given up hope that he would actually leave me alone, even after this last way of no contact, but this time it is finally working. Until recently, I didn’t believe it was going to work but it has. I’m starting to feel better now that I know he is actually going to leave me alone, which is what I wanted all along.

    • #13376
      SilkyHalide
      Participant

      That space to think without the mind games is the only way forward. You realise things very quickly. He’s desperate to find excuses for contact so he can regain control.

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