When will I get a break.

[nbumblebee]

Ive lost my job. The one i fight for every day the one that causes so many fights and stress the one that for once makes me feel like me, makes me feel useful needed happy. Due to a re shuffle lack of funding its going in (detail removed by Moderator) months all Ive worked and fought so hard for gone. He is gonna be so so happy he will gloat and just get so much joy out of it wont see how upset I am will just laugh at me and enjoy my pain. My gosh hes gonna celebrate I just cant tell him yet I cant bare it.
I can take a part of it I can build it up and start it up on my own but its whether i have the strength the self belief. I was so happy been given new responcibility more money more hours was thinking I could do this I could start to save to be free but No, not for me. This road is not going to be easy as always no I am not gonna have some luck no thats not happeneing to me Im gutted so so gutted.
My counsellor and PT said no see this as a good thing you can rise up again. FFS i dont wanna keep rising up I dont wanna keep b****y fighting to only be knocked down again and again. I just feel like this is what I deserve for putting myself first for getting too cocky too happy this is what happens it gets taken away and bang Im back to feeling pants.
Im sorry Im so sorry this is a really self indulgent post but Im so p****d off so angry I just wanna scream its not fair its not b****y fair.

[Sparkle wand]

I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this, especially as it’s a job that means so much to you. It is unfair & life can feel s**t at times and although you might have the strength to rise up and face the challenge again. It is exhausting to keep doing it, especially with everything else going on. It’s not surprising you feel so fed up, and it’s ok to feel how you feel, sending you a big hug 🤗

[nbumblebee]

Thank you for the replie and the hug much needed x

[Marmalade]

Oh nbumblebee I am so sorry. I know how much that job means to you.
Is there a similar job you can apply for? You now have this on your cv so you have experience. Maybe you could apply for something even better?
I know this is horribly tough, but try to see it as an opportunity to see what you can do. I am so sorry about your husband’s likely reaction and how this will upset you. Take some time for you and only tell him when you feel strong enough and the time is right for you.
I am just putting a toe in the water of job applications after decades of staying at home, so I understand what an overwhelming experience it is. You have done amazingly well to get so far with no home support. You found people who appreciated you, and you will find that again. You will also have the benefit of a good reference so try and channel your disappointment into getting yourself something even better. I wish you the very best of luck x

[nbumblebee]

Thing is I have to fight every day to be allowed to work this fitted me so well I just loved it.
Feels like its punishment you know I dare start to believe I dare start to think Im actually worth something more than him and bang Nope No im not.
Im too tired to keep fighting.
Im done.

[Lifebegins]

Hi nbumblebee, so sorry to hear about your job loss. It really really is unfair and I totally relate to feeling like you can’t catch a break. You do just get so fed up of fighting the fight all the time, it would be so nice if something could go your way for once!

I’m where your at but in different circumstances. I’ve left but my ex is the gift that keeps on giving and I’ve been battling him on different fronts ever since. I would like for just some peace and a bit of good luck too ☘️ I’m keeping the faith that it’s on the horizon.

It’s ok to feel how you’re feeling now and you must be kind to yourself (a yummy takeaway, long walk, chocolate and best of all, sleep, always helps for me to take the edge off). But what I’ve learnt on this journey is that there is more than one way to skin a cat and we’re resourceful and resilient people, that’s how we survive so long living with monsters.

When something c**p happens, I know I’m gong to feel down for a bit and I indulge that for a while, then I get fed up feeling down and want to tackle what I need to and hey ho, I’m ready to roll again (this is as a result of a lot of therapy).

When you’re ready to roll/regroup (and you will be) and can think straight, you can tackle the problem – you need another job. I don’t know about your timeline with the job loss, but maybe you need to look at getting another one PDQ so you could just say you’re changing roles, found something better etc. Worse case, you lose your job and he is horrible and gives you stick, but you know you’ve got a plan b, c, d…… and he’s not going to mess with that. That’s what keeps you going.

Don’t give up hun 💪 xx Sending you a massive virtual hug 🤗 xx

[nbumblebee]

Thank you. I just feel so s**t so useless and angry.
I am however trying really hard to also see this as a good thing another opportunity but its not there yet. I guess im so used to being negative being down Its hard to see a light.
Your comments have helped thank you so much sending hugs back your way x

[Strongenough]

Nbumblebee, I am so sorry to hear of this, I understand what an escapism and confidence boost a job can be when your in your situation at home.

I have just posted about not feeling the fighting spirit so I can empathise on that level. I’m sending a million good wishes to you and the belief that something better will come your way. For now please take care of yourself x

[nbumblebee]

Your post made me wanna fight back sweetie. Hope you feeling a little better today x

[Bananaboat]

I’m so sorry you’ve had this news, could you go back to the role before the extra hours/pay? Or as others have said, use this notice period to find something else. I went through similar and my ex was awful, said good & threatened to leave me the day I’d got the news, was zero help through the process and hassled me to get something new. They are never there for us in our hour need! Another sign you’re not in a fair relationship and deserve more. Write today off, hoping you wake up tomorrow or one day soon feeling stronger. You’ve survived everything so far, you’ve got this! x

[nbumblebee]

Thank you. I do feel a bit brighter today I can take a part of my job start it up as my own its a scarey thing to do I dont feel ready but Im not sure I have much choice now. Some days i feel like an imposter I fell into this line of work and dont feel i deserve to be good at it. That sound weird?
A new day I guess just gotta keep fighting theres no other way xx

[Watersprite]

Hello nbumblebee I was sorry to read this and it is so normal to feel hopeless more stuck and injustice. This is not a ‘punishment’ this is what happens in workplaces up and down the county every day but the impact on you is massive because it was your glimmer of a free life and hope. However you have it now forever in your experience bank cv reference and knowledge that ….you can work you can earn money you do get along with others you do have a purpose you have value alongside all the other things you already do and give. Hold on to everything this has shown you xx

[Twix]

This really is a horrible situation to be in no wonder you’re feeling angry, but it’s their loss & the market is very much candidate driven at this moment in time so you could land yourself another position with better terms & conditions very soon.
I hope he doesn’t make things too difficult when you tell him. Keep remembering your worth & that you’ve come this far – you’ve got this!x

[Darknessallaround]

Hi @nbumblebee, not been on here for a while, so only just seen this. I am so sorry about your job. I know how much it means to you. Please don’t give up fighting for something else. It’s bad luck, but it’s not a punishment.

As others here have said, you have this experience and a reference on your side now which will be helpful when applying for other roles.

I really hope you will find something else soon. You can do this. We all believe in you.

[Hereforhelp]

Nbumblebee ❤️ massive hugs as this is s**t…. I know how much your job has helped, how hard you have pushed and persevered to keep your job… remember that this is out of your control but, when you feel a little stronger maybe have a look at similar roles or even a new role? You are strong 💪 you endure so much on a daily basis, if your husband is gleeful at your loss of work maybe you could pretend that you have a couple of other things in the pipeline… so he knows you are not just stopping… idk, I am just so sad you lost your job and the picking yourself up time after time is exhausting… we are all here for you ❤️

[nbumblebee]

@Hereforhelp @Darknessallaround @Twix thanks so so much.
Im just devestaed and talked to husband a little about it all i got was well i never asked you to work you can now look after me.
Just feels like one step foward 3 steps back all the time.
I have been allowed to take some of the work with me, set up on my own which is good but again Im scared to try give it my all as he will moan and complain and stop me and i will doubt myself.
You see a light you find a positive and bang it goes.
Just so hard but I guess all I can do all any of us can do is to rise every morning with a little bit of hope in our hearts.
Thank you xxxxxxx

[Author]

Posts