When Will It End

[RebuildingMyLife]

Hello to the person reading this.

I was brave to post for the first time in 2021 I belive and thought I would start a new thread. Nothing has changed since I decided enough was enough and I thought that would be the end of the tournament. How neive and wrong I was. It the exacerbated during the most vulnerable time a woman experiences during pregnancy, birth, and healing from an emergency cesarian. During this time I lost a love one and have not been able to grieve becusse he has not allowed me to. A couple of years on I am continuing to fight against a battle that nobody seems to win. I’m now suffering from PTSD from exposure to trauma. I’m exhausted! I’ve reached out to many agencies for support and no one seems to be able to make him stop. My career is slipping through my hands. My health hasn’t ever been so poor. It seems my well-being means nothing but being pushed to meet the perpetrator weekly. I feel lied to “that once you leave life gets better”. I want peace and don’t want to be frightened anymore. Who can I turn to that is trustworthy, who gets it/understands? Can no one see how poorly the situation has made me? Instead of feeling happy about the future and everything good I have going for me. I am frienghten of my own future. Please help.

[Lisa]

Hi RebuildingMyLife,

Thank you for your post. I’m so sorry to read of the trauma he has put you through and that the effects of his abuse are ongoing. It is sadly often the case that the abuse can continue via child contact. I am not completely sure of your situation, but we can’t discuss any ongoing legal proceedings on this forum because it’s in the public domain; however I can suggest The Rights of Women as an excellent service to seek advice and guidance from.

I can see from your other post that you have made great efforts to reduce contact; I wonder if using a third party for handover might be a possible option? I acknowledge this might not be realistic to achieve, but it can really help with moving forwards if you don’t have to have that direct contact. You could use our Live Chat service to talk about this more.

You might find it helpful to read through the Bloom website; which is a safe space for survivors to access courses to help to recover from trauma. It could be a useful resource to help you to rebuild your health and wellbeing.

Keep posting,

Lisa

[RebuildingMyLife]

Hi Lisa

I tried to get in touch multiple times to the Womens Rights contact telephone number 020 London code since April 2021 and the phone line has a constant engaged tone.

Because of the persons nature and what he maybe capable of I will not put another person I care for in danger. I hoped the court would have approved my suggestion of the name third party and that our child should not be left alone but I failed to get across the importance, the reasons and whys. I feel the UK system has let my child and me down. I thought so hard to protect. And it seems money can buy even if it is wrong and of an evil intention. I want peace and to feel safe and ok. Will the police believe me if I tell them he’s stood meters from my home. I wasn’t quick to take a photo but I sent videos from (detail removed by moderator) to be told a crime has not been committed

[RebuildingMyLife]

He is also threating me that I am not communicating with him directly. I’ve set up email only and mentioned no need to talk in the present of our child at handovers and suggested a contribution to a family app to communicate instead of email. He has now said indirectly that im not a good mother and and I need to be polite and courteous at handovers becusse I am not. I haven’t changed the way I engage over the year. I was happy when I collected our child and felt good about myself that day because I had just achieved something I had been focused on and it had successfully complete. He keeps wearing sunglasses during handovers and it makes me more freiengted of him

[Put the kettle on]

Hi, it does feel awful and neverending when you’re going through such horrible times.
Unfortunately the agencies can’t make him stop, very little can change that but you get help for your well-being, your mental health and support for you. I doubt very much he’ll change but his effect on you can, it’s so so hard please stay strong.

[Footballfan1]

Rebuildingmylife,

You have been through so much, you truly have.
You are so brave and strong, you need to give yourself credit.

These men use anything they can to get at us, including children.

Have you spoken to your local domestic abuse team?

You really should not be subjected to weekly meetings with your abuser.
That’s immoral.
If you can explain to someone in authority, what it is doing to your physical and mental health, meeting this perpetrator on a weekly basis, there is no way they should let this happen.
Please keep posting, we are here for you x*x

[RebuildingMyLife]

I just want him to stop. (detail removed by moderator) years of utter pain and fear. I feel and am disappointed by saying the system has left me down. During pregnancy (detail removed by moderator) I was too afraid to speak out and was only when his behavior escalated after birth. I cried out to the health visitor where she only submitted comments to court (proceedings are over now) because he made up allegations about my mental health and unable to care for baby, which was heartbreaking considering I’ve been a successful mum to other child who’s thrived and is a well balanced adult. I’ve told professionals and even asked permission to provide evidence and was denied and spoke up about how scared I am of this person and his inability to provide care to our child. When my child goes to him I cannot sleep until child is home safe. Since the start of him having our child they arrive home to me poorly and I am having to go to the GP every two weeks. I keep speaking up as they tell you to do and not to suffer in silence but I find myself suffering aloud where everyone has heard me and they seem to do nothing. I’ve received Bloom therapy which was helpful with getting over the first bit of leaving and taking back some control. I repeatedly been on the phone to the local women’s aids and the national number but I don’t seem to get anywhere. I feel im broken by the continued emotional abuse and I am so frightened to lose the child I’ve longed for and who is my center of attention. Why is this allowed to go on in the UK. He is now telling me that I am a bad mother a repeat to what he’s already told lrofessionals. There were no findings other than his where he was ordered to complete a partnering course and observation in a contact centre and the experience of the contact centre was terrible.

[RebuildingMyLife]

(detail removed by moderator) years when will it end!!

[Author]

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