When will it stop?

[purplecat]

I feel like I have been in an endless tumble dryer cycle, constantly battered by what others want with no thought for what I need… take take take. (detail removed by Moderator) my kids don’t want to see him and he is a n********t who gaslighted me. The mediator rightly pointed out there is no trust there. Now I have my ex Father in law messaging demanding I explain myself and what I intend to happen next.
What I intend? I want to run as far away as possible. He has not contributed anything at all to the childrens wellbeing and even spoke of his relief as to how little he is responsible for now. And yet he is full of his own agenda and his own demands and I am constantly on the end of it and I cannot take it anymore.
Does anyone else feel like ditching everything an running? It is such an overwhelming feeling I have. How can he set off a bomb in our house and then expect to get everything he wants?!! He destroyed out lives, our friendships, our community, everything we knew to be true WAS A LIE. I am exhausted and I want to give up

[diymum@1]

Ye many times Ive just wanted to flee, hoping I will one day have a retreat where no one knows where I am, all of the time. If I were you I’d do nothing do answer his messages, you need to go no contact or grey rock from here on in -you won’t be able to explain the details and complexities to your ex FIL so don’t waste any more of your energy. Focus on you and the kids. To identify what he’s doing look up triangulation in the context of n********m -that what your ex is doing he’s behind this make no mistake xx I found this saying not my flying monkeys not my circus xx he’s using other people’s ignorance to manipulate you xx don’t answer if he keeps on its time to talk about addressing that this as harassment xx diymum 💪 💕 💕

[fizzylem]

Sigh. Oh PC, sounds like you’re overloaded, that you need to put everyone to one side for now; yes agree with DM, focus on you and the kids and nothing else for now, and getting yourself some support.

You are the primary carer now, means if an agreement cant be reached then you decide what is best for the children. If he is continuing to be a nuisance it seems it would be best to go no contact – sends a very clear message you wont tolerate his behaviour, and it also gives you time and space to do what you need to do. Put him out flower.

As sad and as hard as it is that he’s dumped most of his parental responsibilties onto you, this will likely feel a godsend eventually, it certainly feels that way for me now, I mean when they want little input, the smaller the input sometimes means it can become manageable, once things settle. You need to know what he will and wont do, which you’re still working out, when you do know this you can then get on and do what needs doing for the children – whatever he does or doesnt do – if that makes sense?

At the moment it sounds like you’re getting fired up again and again about the next thing he hasn’t done/isnt doing. My advice to you, from someone that’s been here is – ‘let him get on with it’.

I suggest calling the Child Maintanance Agency if you havent already, get them to sort out his financial contribution – means you need have nothing to do with it or him regarding this.

Keep posting. FL.x

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