When you aren’t doing what they want

[Hopingforpeace]

My mother has tried to manipulate a situation to get child and I to go somewhere with her. I have said we wont be around as already have plans. My mother will not accept this. She has sent messages, called and called as I won’t answer. Then she has tried to emotionally manipulate my child by sending her a letter in hope my child would see it before I did. (She didn’t and she never will). Then she sent me a letter which starts with she doesn’t understand the hatred and abuse from me!! I don’t know what to do anymore. At the moment I’ve done nothing. But doing nothing is causing me stress wondering what she’s going to do next.

[KIP.]

Hi, I don’t know the whole picture and the history here but you could send her a message saying that she is your mother and you will always love her, however you will not put up with this kind of behaviour and if she continues, sadly you will have to see less and less of her. Now, this might work with a non abusive person, however she is not respecting your wishes and boundaries and if this has always been the pattern she she won’t change and you will simply get an abusive message back. My advice would be to block her messages until you’re in a place to deal with her, if ever. It’s scary standing up to bullies but if you don’t hold your own boundaries in place she will continue to trample them. You can’t change her behaviour but you can change how you respond and how you react. Zero contact for a while might help and also explains to your child that you have made a decision and it won’t be changed and ask them to respect your decision no matter what tactics are used. Just my thoughts but I know how difficult it is. My mum put a photo up in a room of my ex who raped me and had a conviction for assaulting me. Some people just don’t get it 🙄. I keep a very big distance now x

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