Where do I stand?

[Barbi]

Hi! I’m new. I ended my relationship last year, but we still live separately in our home with our children. We are joint owners of this house, (i pay the mortgage and some bills, he pays some bills), and I really want to find a way to keep it for my children. They know their father and I are not together, but they desperately want to stay in this house. I worry that moving might be too much for them. Their father refuses to leave and refuses to acknowledge that he’s abusive. Everything is my fault and I dread weekends when he’s not working, because at least when he’s out all day it’s peaceful and calm at home. Does anyone know if there’s anything I can do to keep the children in their home? Because of lockdown it’s hard to get legal advice.

[Lisa]

Hello Barbi,

Welcome to the forum!
We know that for many women in abusive relationships, COVID has meant they feel even more trapped and vulnerable than before. It’s important you are able to get as much help as possible to ensure you and your children feel safe at home.
Women’s Aid have safety information during COVID-19 on their website and you can find it here.
Rights of women can offer legal advice around your situation as well as Coram Children’s Legal Centre.
It may be useful to speak to your local domestic abuse service as well and see what advice and support they can offer. You can search for your nearest one here.
I hope this helps. Do keep posting and letting us know how you get on. Many of the women on this forum will be able to relate to your experience and can offer emotional and practical support too.
Take care,

Lisa

[Barbi]

Thank you for your help Lisa.

[Rubymurray]

Hi

I feel I am in (or potentially could be in a similar situation)

I just posted my first post today titled “separated but still living together – is it even an option?”

My situation is me agonising on how to even go about separating & trying to plan & be ready more…. I dread the thought of having to live together once I tell him I’m done….? But really struggling for another option?

I really hope we find a smoother way of getting through this.

[KIP.]

Get some legal advice about having him removed from the property. Start to gather evidence of his abusive behaviour. Report it to your GP (great evidence), how it’s affecting your mental health and you need to stay in the home with the kids for your own wellbeing. You can ask the court for an occupation order to have him removed until in my case the house was settled in the divorce. If you want him out you need to fight for it. He’s going nowhere and the longer he’s there the worse his behaviour will get. It’s the most dangerous time for a woman when she ends a relationship with an abuser. It was only a matter of weeks before I was assaulted and he was arrested. I just couldn’t see it coming but all the signs were there. Get your local women’s aid to back you. Speak to your local police about having him removed. I think there is a temporary 28 day order available in some places. It might buy you some time to get something more permanent in place.

[iliketea]

Hi, I echo what KIP says. I’m in a similar position but not on the deeds and it is still possible. Starting the process in next few weeks. Go to the GP and call 101, they’ll take a statement and at least its recorded, evidence is really important. Also try and write a timeline of your relationship, chances are red flags will appear. And if you can bare it, write up each day, simple, couple of lines “silent treatment”, “swore at me in front of children” “I felt scared” – that sort of thing. Write more if it helps you process it and understand it better, it helped me. Also find & contact solicitors and use the free half hour/hour they offer to find someone you feel comfortable with and is good. Read as much as you can beforehand so you don’t waste the time being told the basic details of an Occupation and Non-Molestation order, if you have questions, write them down. x

[Author]

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