20th February 2016 at 9:09 pm #10053
Hi all this is all kinda strange, knowing what to write,where to write it’s confusing, I’m new here so have to wonder am I in the right group? .. anyhow I suppose I had better get my story out there I’m guessing despite not reading others stories mine will sound very similar to others but here goes .
I’ve been on and off with my OH for many decades , I’ve even left him for quite a number of years before going back and even got re-married before going back but yes I still go back 🙁 , we have a teenager together who clashes very badly with my OH , I’m not telling this very good sorry .
A couple days ago I told my OH to go home he’s been at mine ever since Christmas day 🙁 despite having his own flat , he started going back to how he was many years ago re his poor hygiene he never used to wash or anything for months at at time but when he came back into our lives after yet another break where I’d gotten remarried he used to either wash or shower every day but a few weeks ago he stopped doing it again and took to wearing the same clothes day in day out that included his underwear and if I said he smelled he would say he didn’t , he constantly picked on our son and the dog was scared of him too , he knew I suffer hearing loss in both ears yet everytime I had to ask him to repeat himself he would instantly sulk and say “there’s no point talking to you anymore” this would go on daily more than once a day .
He would constantly grope me and demand I kiss him by pinning me down and forcing me to kiss him then moan when I’d constantly turn my head from side to side , he never gave me any money for his keep , never did .. anyway as I’ve already said I told him to go a couple of days ago he came back within minutes of leaving asking to talk and saying his locks on his flat had been changed I knew he needed notice for that to happen so I refused to let him in so he walked off saying I didn’t care about him I ignored him ..
His stuff is still here so I’m in two minds whether to pack them up and dump them on his doorstep so there’s no reason for him to come here or wait for him to come here then give him his stuff any ideas?
one thing I do no is I need to keep this man out of our lives for good now, he is no good to us and only bring us down 🙁 he moaned because I hadn’t put the dishes away yet he knew I was ill with the new medicain that I was on 🙁
20th February 2016 at 10:22 pm #10065SavingmyselfParticipant
What a user he is
Don’t let him back in your door
Drop his bag off to him at his flat . Call him to say your coming around don’t say why then put his bag outside his door then
Just ring the bell and walk off if that is not safe for you …get someone else to drop it around or send it in a taxi
21st February 2016 at 9:09 am #10076LisaMain Moderator
Welcome to the forum, well done for making a stand and changing the locks. I know you must be worried about him worming his way back, but try and forget the fact that you went back before and focus on staying strong now. Maybe you needed to go back before to know 100% now that you don’t want to be with him now.
You have made a big move by changing the locks. If you think it is safe then perhaps you could drop his possessions off with a family member or friend so you don’t have to see him but you are sure that his possessions will be safe to protect you from any legal implications. From here on out the best way to ensure he doesn’t try and get back into your life is no contact, many of the women on this forum rely on it. By cutting him off completely you are removing his manipulation. If he wants to communicate about child contact or anything like that he can email you or use a legal professional. Keeping him at a distance is the only way to keep him out of your head.
Well done for posting for the first time. I hope you find this forum a supportive place where you can speak openly.
21st February 2016 at 2:39 pm #10101
Hi thanks for your replies 🙂 there is a slight problem, we are on our own here, no friends, no family 🙁 so although getting someone else to drop off his stuff sounds a great idea its not possible for me to do so 🙁 also he as no phone as he removed his SIM card out of his phone and threw it at me so it is now sitting in my kitchen draws , he as no door bell for me to ring and lives in a upstairs flat so wouldn’t hear me if I knocked , plus he lives on a very busy main road , but I had thought about bagging his stuff up and putting it either on top of the wheelie bin that is situated outside the property then putting a note through his letter box telling him where his stuff is or placing the stuff inside the wheelie bin and just hoping he see’s the letter , failing that the only other option would be for me to bag his stuff up and then wait until he comes calling for it then pass it out of the window to him and shut the window afterwards .
I’m so confused right now 🙁 don’t know which way to turn , knowing he needs his stuff back but also knowing leaving them in public is risky so maybe the only option is for him to come calling so at least I know he as recieved his stuff and no one else as picked them up 🙁 but also knowing I don’t want him at my home … HELP!!
21st February 2016 at 5:19 pm #10126Confused123Participant
Id get advise from womens aid how u can return his stuff, could u leave at his family or friends, yes u def dont want him coming to your house, make sure this sim is returned too, i returned ex stuff to a family member what stuf do u have to return if u dont mind me asking, or just thought depending on how much stuff there is could u leave with his neighbour then post letter through door
22nd February 2016 at 7:57 am #10189
I should be careful how I word things on here lol, When I said he took the SIM out I meant he also put the SIM into his pocket and took it with him he threw only the phone at me , he as no family or friends here and the neighbours are untrustworthy due to the nature of the place where he lives, the stuff he as are clothing and an iPad plus a helmet , there is a big bin bag full, and is very heavy 🙁 so against my better judgement I’m going to leave it inside my door and when he does come knocking I’ll hand it too him either thru the window or thru the door, I do not drive so getting it to his won’t be easy 🙁
22nd February 2016 at 9:31 am #10193Confused123Participant
Yeah that sounds like a idea too
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