where to start

[Poppy1]

Hi All, so (detail removed by moderator) i left (detail removed by moderator) years of hell behind. Ive worked and hid at my mums just hoping that things would finally settle and i could move forward. During this time ive had to report him to the police for harassment and various bits. Then it all went quiet and i thought i was free. The voicemails started again. And he thinks he can just knock on the door or drive behind me to pull over as he has to talk.

Ive lost everything. He never worked for (detail removed by moderator) and im now homeless and cant even collect my things. He has promised i can over and over but will never allow me. The police have said they will help but of course its not easy or a priority for them.

Im left with huge credit card bills on top and about as much confidence as a book. Im tired of it though ive never really asked for help and when i reached out to my local council they were so rude and didnt listen or offer advice i dont know where to turn.

I guess what im asking is where do you turn for support when you have left.. emotional support, the basics??

Thank you

[Fudgecake]

Hello Poppy1 and welcome to the forum.
You have come to the right place to talk to those that will understand and offer support. Also, is there any family members you can talk to? Although it’s difficult for those that haven’t experienced DA to really understand, someone to give you a hug and just listen is also good to have. Also, there is the WA phone line and I believe they are trialing an online chat facility too. I saw this as I logged in just now.

With regards to leaving everything behind, it’s sometimes the only thing we can do to save ourselves. He will make it hard for you to get things back and use it as a control method. It’s best to write your possessions off and start anew. That’s what I did. And yes, we shouldn’t have to do that whilst they sit pretty in a furnished house paid for by you but they don’t react normally to their partners and sometimes it’s the only way to end things – just leaving everything behind…including the abuse. It’s best to think that the only way is up from now on and hard as it may seem right now, things will settle and even out. But it will be a series of ups and downs in the coming months, emotionally speaking. With regards to debt, can you talk to the Card company? They may be able to suggest some way to help. Or speak to Citizens Advice.
It’s not fair that we have to deal with this on top of everything else and I hope you find some peace and support to get you through, and you will get through. Keep posting here as there’s some great advice given by those who have experienced these situations too.
Take care.

[Poppy1]

Thank you fudgecake. I did walk away from everything but he just keeps threatening and has done so in the past to dump it at mums which causes major issues as she gets very stressed. I told him to keep everything so many times. Its just hard being homeless, with nothing and feeling like nothing.

I havnt really reached out to friends that much and mum doesnt understand. The problem is i wasnt allowed to see my friends and family for so long im rebuilding all my relationships. I hadnt seen mum for 5 yers or more. But i really would love to go to a support group and talk about things and like you mention just have a hug. I also dont want to keep bothering friends with my feelings im sure they wont mind but you never know. Its easier to talk to others that understand and dont think it will blow over 🙂

I hope you are ok fudge cake and thank you for the reply.

[HopeLifeJoy]

Hi Poppy1

Welcome to the forum, well done for leaving, such brave act, leaving everything behind for the sake of safety demonstrates incredible courage. Now you are safe, you will be able to rebuild everything and get to keep it.
I lost absolutely everything too and fell into debts because of him. I now paid everything off, it took me two years, it’s done.

You’ve received excellent advice from Fudgecake, I echo her advice, pls call Women’s Aid (open 24/7)  (detail removed by moderator) they will be able to advise about your options, how to get started etc. , you’ll find them good to talk to as they understand exactly what you’ve been going through.

Please check also the citizen advice website for debt management plan and how to apply for benefits.
Women’s Aid can also offer support through a freedom program, where you’ll meet other survivors of abusive relationships and will learn about abuse dynamics.

Keep safe and keep posting,

[EbonyRaven]

Hi Poppy1, Look up your local, or nearby domestic abuse agency and get in touch with them too. They will be able to refer you to support groups and the freedom programme etc.

Maybe see your GP and get on the list for counselling too. I found that the lady who called me for my assessment initially was really helpful and has also put me in touch with people who can help and support.

I know what you mean about friends and family. It is hard enough picking up with them again after all that time. I’m doing the exact same thing. The last thing you feel you should do when re-kindling those old ties, is to talk about the abuse. You’re right, they don’t really understand it. I’ve spoken about it here and there but the only people who really get it are those who’ve also gone through it.

You’ll get lots of virtual hugs here too, so keep posting as you work through it. Be careful of some groups on social media. They seem helpful and cathartic at first but you can’t tell who is in them, and they can have members who don’t get it and think it’s ok to shame people or blame them, calling it ‘tough love’.

xx

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