Where’s the relief?

[Hopeandstrength]

I’m out and in my new place. He only found out I was gone when he got home. The trauma that followed was greater than I anticipated and ever since I’ve just been an emotional mess. Crying all the time, not sleeping and so so sad. I feel like I’m grieving. I so badly want to be angry with him for the impact his behaviour has had on me and our daughter but I just continue to feel guilt, empathy toward him and a longing for the life I “wished” we had rather than the reality. I know it’s early days but I was hoping relief would be kicking in, but none in sight. Feeling very low.

[wildandfree]

Morning Hopeandstrength

Well done for getting out! It is one of the hardest things to do, and you’ve done it. Like you say, it is early days, the relief will come in time. May be not for a long time. you have so many emotions to go through first. And it is grief that you are feeling. Full on sobbing on the floor type grief for a future lost and for a life you thought you would have, or thought you should have had. I have been there. At times it felt like the tears would never stop. I thought I would never get past the guilt and the grief.

The relief didn’t come for a while for me. What I had to do when things were bad, was I looked at a photo of my children and knew that I would never let my children be in a relationship like mine. That I had to end the cycle and show them a healthy happy future.
I used to write a lot. My way of getting it out of my head was to get it on paper. I still do. But I look back on those early days and my heart breaks for how broken I was. The future you is so proud of you for taking the hardest step, she is willing you to keep going!!!

The relief will come in time. It might be just tiny moments. The relief of not having to justify where you are or why youre buying something, or whatever it is. Take the small wins, and build on them.
Find support if you can. Take care of yourself, and keep moving forward, even if sometimes you are barely moving.

Sending much love and support for your new future!!!

[Author]

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