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    • #56849
      fridges
      Participant

      Hello, everyone,
      I have a question to you, did you think about which woman you want to become? how you would describe it? Which qualities you would like to have?
      Recently I was listening to one podcast online, I do this when I need the power to feel better, to carry on and keep going.
      Here some things I have noted for me.

      10 things women who value themselves do differently
      * They confidently ask for what they want
      * They listen to their gut + trust themselves
      * The don’t seek the approval of others
      * They do not make decision in a low vibration
      * They do not do things of desperation
      * They move forward even if nobody understands their vision
      * They do not make excuses for themselves and anyone else
      * They do not allow their past define their future
      * They do not put their happiness in the hands of someone else
      * They do not determinate their success based on external wins or accomplishments

      And I though I want to be this woman:)

    • #56873
      HopeLifeJoy
      Participant

      Hi, I love your post! How inspirational. It put a smile on my face! Sounds like a wonderful woman you wish to be.

      My wishes of the woman I’d aspire to be reflect one quality from your list;
      * Listen to my gut + trust myself
      Just one…a bit modest maybe…but it’s the dearest thing I want to be able to do.

    • #66506
      Iwantmeback
      Participant

      Hi there and thank you for posting this. Truly inspirational.
      I too would definitely choose to listen to my gut more. I always did b4 he moved in. But i stopped listening

    • #66521
      SunshineRainflower
      Participant

      I love this fridges! I’ve been thinking about this sort of thing this week too, although more in terms of practical things I’d like in my life/how I’d like my life to be.

      I always thought I wanted to get married and have children but I’ve started to question that lately. I think perhaps what I really want is to be a self employed creative and the mother of many adopted animals! I already have one cat and she’s the best thing in my life, I absolutely love her and she’s got me through the darkest times and has kept me going. If I had a child I am not sure how that would fit in with how I want my life to be. For the first time in ages I felt excited about the thought of not having children because the pressure to have a child has been weighing on me for years as well as the pressure to find a suitable man. After years and years and years of dating and finding increasingly terrible men I have been so miserable about it, until I thought that maybe I could just do without a man completely (unless a really incredible one turned up) and also maybe choose to not become a mother. Not 100% decided yet but it’s so good to consider everything now that we have this opportunity for a new life after abuse.

      I also like your list of qualities and agree with all of them. Sounds like an inspiring podcast!

    • #66541
      fridges
      Participant

      I’m glad that you like the post, I hope it will help on this hard journey for women here.


      @hopelifejoy
      – I truly hope you will get there and also will allow yourself to dream more. I’m sure you deserve much more in life, than you allow yourself.


      @iwantmeback
      – I understand how our voice was shut down, in fact we can not have our own thoughts, our own dreams, our own things, our own body, our life and our future. Stick to yourself, learn how to be empowered and always choose yourself, your values and believes. They will not take to the wrong place.


      @sunshinerainflower
      – it is good, that you are thinking what personally will suit you. The chase after a man, to be married, to have family, this desperation and expectation from others can bring us lots of upset things in life. We should only consider this option only if the man is suitable, respectful, loving. But often we women can get involved in the relationship for the wrong reasons.
      You should not put yourself through this pressure and rush, or to feel under the pressure. Focus on you and what you would like to do, where you want to be.
      Employment is very important – I hope I will get to the work, when ready. I still need more time to settle with all what I faced. I wish you luck, blessing and believe that you can do things what you would like to do.

    • #67023
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      I want to be the woman who can make decisions for herself.
      The woman who trusts herself to take the next step, even if it feels like a leap.

    • #67044
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      I want to feel completely safe and whole and to never have to look over my shoulder again xx

    • #67070
      fridges
      Participant

      @freedoms – I wish you to achieve this, taking slowly steps helps. It is hard for sometime to start doing it, but once you are back on track – you can become unstoppable. You kind of like to have the freedom to make the choices and decisions over your life. You do not need anyone’s permission to do the right thing for yourself!

      @DIYmum – this is a bit hard to achieve, but there are the ways how to control your fear. Personally I struggle to feel safe, I still so much scared of both my abusers, it never goes fully away. It is based on the experience what you went through and totally natural to feel scared, anxious. Good to make a safety plan – like if the emergency you know in advance how you will deal with the situation. I play often in my head this and it made feel less anxious.

    • #67080
      Iwantmeback
      Participant

      The woman i want to become, is one who’s there for her children and grandchild (without worrying or seeing them behind his back, or pretending i haven’t saw them fir ages.)
      The woman i want to become will enforce her boundaries, will say no and mean it, will learn to smile again and be happy, will wear makeup, colour her hair, play music(and not turn it off because he doesn’t like it), she’ll dance around the room, sing her heart out, even if it’s so off key.
      The woman i want to become will just be😊😊

      IWMB 💕💕

    • #67098
      Ayanna
      Participant

      I am slowly turning into a woman who is too much for most people and I love it.
      I am fiercely self caring and have high demands, no matter how tiring this may be for others.
      I know what I want for my life and I follow it.
      I fight for what I want until I have it.
      I do not allow anyone to distract me from my chosen path, even if that may make me appear to be rigid.
      I choose very carefully whom I allow near me even if that makes me appear to be snobbish.
      I am happy with my own company and do not need anyone. This actually puts me above most people, because no one can put any emotional pressure on me or coerce me into anything.

    • #67108
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      fridges,

      Thanks for the reply. I know I might never get over the fear of him. Its unlikely that I will come face to face with him again, well hopefully not. But you know when you know someone so well how they tick etc I know for sure that he would like to have some sort of revenge. Afterall I took all of his control and power away from him.

      I guess I need to make sure I get stronger and just keep my boundaries set. xx As for the future Im going to aim to be the best I can be 🙂 I hope also I can help other people along the way. I do hate the thought of people suffering and feeling that theyre alone. Id actually love to go work for womens aid or do some charity work for them. With the exception to a bungee jump! I hate heights and I don’t think my knees would take it ! :0)

    • #75375
      journeyupwards
      Participant

      Thank you so much for sharing this – I am going to write these qualities down and work our ways in which I can act on them!

    • #75398
      CityMum
      Participant

      What a brilliant and empowering post!

      I want to be a woman who my daughter can describe as brave and strong. I want her to view me as a loving and caring woman who doesn’t change or tailor herself based on the needs and behaviour of her partner

      • #75601
        fridges
        Participant

        @CityMum – I hope you will be able to do that, slowly, but steady steps. We so much think about someone else need and were put into the pressure of his needs, that it can erase us, as a person. Abuse does that, it erases the person, you feel you do not live, but hardly exist and holding on. Time to live up for your standard and your vision, not to his, where it is distractive to you. With therapy I figured it out, no man in my personal life was a healthy relationship.
        And if someone was a decent and good man, I will stick to the awful, because my self-esteem was erased, my feeling of myself was erased. For me it is such relief I took control of the situation, I took the power back and hope other women will find the courage to do that.

    • #75422
      fizzylem
      Participant

      Love this list Fridges! Thanks for sharing – spells it out brilliantly and concisely hey. Funny coincidence because I have been thinking about how I would like to develop my compassionate self in therapy today, the person I’d like to be.

      • #75600
        fridges
        Participant

        @fizzylem – what a wonderful thought you have, to choose your own path, your own idea of life and how things should be in your life. IT IS YOUR LIFE! Go, go and get all that you lie for yourself!
        I’m trying hard this for me, I survived so much and no longer, I want just to float in life. And no longer I going to accept creepy behavior towards me. Hope all women look for inner strength to grow and rise from ashes, to be reborn.

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