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It makes me laugh how I was ignored by CAFCASS and how they believed his facade of being caring dad.
My youngest told me that his dad took him out to the forest for a dog walk (detail removed by moderator). Good healthy outing, you might think.
Well, my youngest told me that his dad was in fact showing him which were the magic mushrooms (which as you know, are natural LSD and can be fatal). He was showing him how to distinguish one from the other type of mushrooms.
My youngest is not even a teenager yet.
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Hi Serenity
Read your post now and it reminds me of my narc ex who is still a crafty master manipulator as you have said here about yours.It is very frustrating and worrying plus anger-making to witness these men fooling the so called pros-if we can call them this.it proves how little they know about personality deviations and trauma.It shows how our abusers succeed in their nasty game plans to deceive.And it is horrifying.Maybe you should get a narc personality traits description from a book or web site and keep it to show the staff in Cafcass? it would be there in writing so it hasnt come just from you?Depends whether they are receptive or not?
My ex is still active even today but when kids were small he tricked the court welfare woman -who took his side-into thinking he had a social life.Suddenly he attended church once with kids to tick her boxes when he never went in his life.Then when the dust settled my youngest told me they only went once! Children notice details.The eldest told me that dad’ tells lies and fools people!’ .Maybe in time your youngsters will detect some lies too.Maybe keep a record of all these outings and conversations ?
Jupiter -
Thanks, Jupiter.
Yes, I am logging this in case I need it in the future. We are not going through court- we’ve been there in the past- but I am collecting evidence in case it needs to return to court at any stage. ( I also took a photo of his van parked across my drive a few weeks ago, since he’s not meant to be anywhere on my road!)
What enables these abusers to continue is having no conscience. If or when you or I do anything wrong, we feel so guilty and horrible that it prevents us from doing it again. Abusers don’t have that stop button. In fact, many of them enjoy doing wrong!
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…just reading through the posts.
Serenity, Jupiter & Ee ..seriously this …being believed..is such a huge part of the problem of the trauma we are forced to tolerate.
If it was anyone else who had done anything wrong to me..I’d be quite straightforward & open.
This is a billion times different…I feel the frustration in us all..it’s what continues to cause huge anxiety ill health confusion and more…even when out of the toxic hell hole.
I watched a story on TV…one of the character from olden days said an expression..something like…If you live with a mad man, you feel half mad yourself!Too true
Hugs
XC -
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So proud of my eldest! 😍
I decided to sit down with my youngest and just check that he knew how dangerous taking (removed by moderator) can be.
He clammed up and refused to talk about it- but the good thing is, he went directly to his older brother and told him I wanted to chat to him about (removed by moderator). My eldest asked why I was doing that, and he told him about his dad showing him some, etc.
My eldest came down into the kitchen and told me how angry he was with his dad for doing that. He said that his younger brother was naive and quite innocent for his age, and he felt furious that his dad had done this.
Next thing I know, my eldest is phoning his dad, telling him that what he did was really bad and not what a dad should do! He told his own father off-told him that his brother was naive and too young to be shown things like that.
This is a huge stride for my eldest, who lived in fear of his dad for many years.
I feel so proud of my eldest: he was genuinely angry because he felt protective towards his brother.
And my ex’s response? To deny it! So like a true coward, he lied to my eldest ( and in doing this, is saying my youngest has lied too).
I think I know who the bigger man is out of my ex and my eldest.
How pathetic the situation is: a teenage son telling his dad off about his parenting!
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Wow!!! Serenity, what a positive result! You have taken control of that situation..and your boys are with you.
Good woman & all power to you..your sons, are listening to their Mum who is being a great parent dealing with the damaging influences of a narc. Keep going you are their rock.Great to hear!!!
Hugs Cx
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Thank you, all.
Having a safe home where he knows my ex is not allowed to be has helped my eldest grow in strength. I’m so glad I cut off contact and battled for the right to not have him near my home.
He might be stupidly parking outside- but he can’t come in. And I don’t even go to the front of the house when he parks up, so his efforts to scare/ affect me are in vain.
My kids are seeing him for the bully he is.
My eldest said about his dad lying about the above situation, that he didn’t want to think that his dad was that bad, but the fact he lied to him rather than admit fault made him realise how bad his dad can be ( like me, my eldest probably finds it easy to blame himself for abuse suffered and maybe thought he deserved his dad’s abuse- but when you see others being mistreated- like his little brother- you can more clearly see that it is abuse).
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