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    • #142838
      Hazydayz
      Participant

      I’m having to document this here. My husband threw at me (detail removed by moderator)… A seriously unjust statement, made about me, the day before, by a certain professional(so called) who is required to visit my husband (detail removed by moderator), but not me. This person, does not know me, except to be able to access information about my reporting DV if he so wished? If it is on file? This man, had (according to what my husband threw at me last night) stated to my husband on his visiting him…”(detail removed by moderator)”. I was in another room at the time the whole time they were engaged, and I had absolutely nothing to do with their time together or the situation that required them to be. I was (detail removed by moderator) and had no knowledge of this person saying what my husband said he said at the time, after he arrived and was in my home. It seriously concerns me now because… This was shouted at me by my husband who had saved it and hurled this in my direction (detail removed by moderator) I believe, as a wounding missile, when my husband was being abusive to me again yesterday following another bizzar outburst earlier. (I seriously do believe this may well have been said! in fact I believe now, my husband has been propagating a slur campaign against me to counteract my claiming myself as a victim of his abuse. I was so shocked by what my husband said! All I knew on that day was that their meeting was over very quickly, my husband (detail removed by moderator) after the man left. I was surprised to see him and said that was a quick visit? Compared to previous ones. I joked! was it the noise of my (detail removed by moderator)? His reply was.. before he left said…he was just checking in on him, And also checking if, Asking my husband…Did he know who to contact if he needed help? If he needed help? For his mental health needs? if he was concerned? He then told my husband about how they had lost a couple of people? Because of the pandemic. Apparently, he then asked how was I? My husband replied to him…(detail removed by moderator)? And then the man left he said. I asked why he asked about me? I got a shrug of the shoulders off my husband. Back to yesterday…the following day and ahead of my husband’s abuse of me last night, with his shocking outburst. Maybe? it was because of something that ticked him off earlier in the day and resulted in another outburst of abuse. It was different from any other time! Let me explain…whilst we were about to go out and (detail removed by moderator) I received a call from a lady ((detail removed by moderator) councillor) who wanted to touch base with me, following my doctor having organised for me to speak with her, to organise help for me. This was because, earlier this week after my contacting my doctor, (the day before (detail removed by moderator)) I’m over 50 and now into the next sector! I had what I can only describe as a meltdown moment? an anxiety attack maybe? about the next phase of my life with all the problems I have and fears, for my health. My Physical health & my mental health now, that I just knew I had to try and save myself from! The doctor is somewhat aware of the situation at home? Anyway, after my being very tearful and trying to explain to the doctor what was going on around me, affecting me! She sorted it that…The lady who called yesterday, would contact me to try and help me. The lady that called me yesterday will be able to help me I hope and also, further fill my doctor in with what the situation is as well as with what happened yesterday I’m sure, hopefully? I have an appointment in a couple of weeks to discuss everything. This is because I wanted to speak privately with the lady. I need to be able to talk about everything, I couldn’t when she rang as my husband was sat (detail removed by moderator) when the call came
      good timing really! Anyway, I asked him to return indoors for 5 minutes while I took the call. I couldn’t believe it when he (detail removed by moderator) and vanished out of sight, I presumed into the house? But then, within a minute and as I was listening to the caller, and as I was trying to listen carefully before replying to her questions, then talk briefly about my understanding of what the lady was saying, my husband suddenly (detail removed by moderator), as if to say…I’m here waiting! The situation I was in was hurridly explained to the lady and when appropriate, I ended we ended the call. I told him his behaviour was bizzar? I thought? that was the end of it.
      Imagine how I felt last night when he shouted at me the statement made by someone who seems to be supporting his abuse of me? A senior member of (detail removed by moderator). I am very concerned about what to do? Who to speak to? Who can I trust?

    • #142842
      Bananaboat
      Participant

      I’m so sorry you’ve had quite the day. Can you contact womansaid? I wouldn’t blindly believe the man said this to your husband, he may have done but equally your husband may be twisting something, or as you say yourself using something to his advantage to make him look like the victim. The glaring at you whilst you’re sat in the car is a common tactic, are you safe? Can you take him kicking you out as the catalyst to leave him? Maybe phone your GP and express the need for confidentiality.

    • #142844
      Twisted Sister
      Participant

      Hi Hazydayz

      I am sorry you are being abused daily this way, and others being used to abuse also.

      I would write to this man’s organisation and explain what your husband has said, word for word, and explain that if this is the case, the man was clearly acting outside of his professional capacity to make such a statement, and give them the opportunity to deny that it was said, and then they will realise what your husband is doing to you, and using their organisation to further his cause.

      The person who said this, supposedly, will face a disciplinary for speaking so unprofessionally and without basis, and they would be very aware in future of the limits of their professional capacity.

      If they didn’t say these things, then you will have confirmation, and so will they [the organisation] of what your husband is doing, and it will be in writing. So either way, something will have to be done.

      The staring, is a sinister threat, and means that you could not possibly continue your call because of the intimidation preventing you from being able to concentrate.

      His tactics are common and ones I can totally relate to, and, yes, they are fully aware of what they are deliberately choosing to do in order to intimidate you into acting. I’ve had all this and recognise it completely. We all know what he’s doing, but don’t let on to him that you do, make your confidential reports to GP and that organisation (his boss), and make sure you don’t let on that you know exactly what he’s up to.

      warmest wishes

      ts

    • #142850
      Grey Rock
      Participant

      Please do speak to Women’s Aid. Not only are they trustworthy, they are also respected by the police and other organizations. I found them very useful in helping me through the spider’s web of bureaucracy and dealing with people with little or no understanding or empathy for the impact of domestic abuse, and dealing with a controlling or coercive partner.

      Sending prayers your way.

      GR xx

    • #142852
      Hazydayz
      Participant

      Thankyou all for your time and empathy. I will be trying to get support from my forthcoming support appointment when I meet the lady who has arranged an appointment for me soon and from that starting point move onwards I hope. I’m feeling a lot like a vulnerable old lady suddenly? Thankyou for your warm wishes and keep me in your prayers. Hazydayz💞

      • #142868
        Bananaboat
        Participant

        You have to be super strong to survive in these relationships, remember that when you’re feeling weak. xx

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