Who’s gone back? And has it worked?

[Discombobulated2022]

Just seeing what the chances are

[Cedarlemon]

Hi,

I went back numerous times ,he started off very apologetic each time and couldn’t do enough for me then his mask gradually slipped , I’m afraid a leopard doesn’t change its spots. X

[Shura]

HI, went back countless times and as Cedarlemon said, leopard doesnt change its sports. Each time was worse and worse although the beginnings were very promising , they fool us but never change. The insults, control, manipulations, cheatings, isolation only become worse. by going back we give them unintentional permission to abuse , for them it means we are okay with it. if you can stay away, do so but from my own experience i can say that this has to be lived till the end and end is when you will realize for yourself and noone else that you cant carry on the way it is now.
Be strong xx

[StrongLife]

It took me many time to leave.

Finally left as it was just more toxic abuse and threats and ignoring me.

[Ephemeralbliss]

I went back 4 times. Each time the abuse got worse, the violence escalated. Each time he promised me the world and for a month or so things seemed to improve. But then the same behaviours retuned, only worse each time. Please don’t go back x

[Chocolatebunnie]

Sorry to say, I’ve split and got back together numerous times and always slips back to his old ways somehow.

I’ve found tactics change as if in his head it’s better and he’s improved but then there’s a new way to abuse his family.

you will find others will confirm it’s rare if ever a leopard changes its spots.

[Hereforhelp]

Yes I gave chances as my husband had therapy, or he would coerce me, then he stopped any money to really bring me (and kids) into poverty… I still have no regrets leaving.. life is hard but I am happier meaning my children are happier and we are all in therapy for PTSD.. in my experience the abuser never changes, they just try new ways to keep us for their own needs, like a chair, no real love as I was an object for over 2 decades x best of luck with whatever you decide and do let us know how ypu get on ❤

[Starting-again]

I went back many many times, in fact I lost count how many times.
Each time it got worse. Would start great, but never lasted.
Each time I lost myself more and lost respect for myself for not being able to leave him even though I knew he would lie and cheat.
Personally I’d agree with everyone above, things don’t change.

[Discombobulated2022]

Thank you all for your comments. It’s so hard isn’t it.

[Eyesopening]

Tried 6 times, hardest days and most confusing days.
I left for good and still have doubts, but when i was in it i wanted to leave so badly!
The hardest thing we will
Ever do, leaving AND staying away cx

[Elishiva]

Hi Discombobulated2022,

So far, so bad is all I can say in response to your question. When I first met my future husband, he seemed easy going, polite, considerate and caring. It was like seeing Dr. Jeckle and Mr. Hyde in person living with my husband, and while I don’t live with him anymore, we still visit because I haven’t figured out where to go from here yet. But he has not changed for the better despite the distance. He holds grudges like nobody’s business, and every time I visit, he mocks me and belittles me-even online. He does everything he can to knock out my self confidence. Thankfully, I have an Advocate Who helps me when I pray to Him. Make plans on what to do without him in your life, sweetie. Also, work on your confidence by doing things that have merit in your opinion. By doing them, it will increase your self confidence. Be sure not to tell anyone who has belittled you in the past what you do in that regard, so they can’t ‘steal the oil’, so to speak. Blessings.

[ICanDoThis22]

I went back after spending (detail removed by Moderator) in refuge. He said all the right things and even did all the right things in seeking help for his issues. That control has seeped back through though. I know exactly what’s happening so I’m not being fooled. Planning to leave again in the new year.
Really wish I’d listened to my WA key worker and family when they told me he wouldn’t change. People who abuse aren’t capable of change, not really.

[Fay of the North]

I left and then I went back (detail removed by moderator) ago.

And well he hasn’t changed, he’s improved for periods but hasn’t changed and would go back to his controlling ways.

[Discombobulated2022]

Thank you all for your responses. So far, I haven’t heard of a success story.
I may have made a mistake by telling him we need to see sustained change for a period of time. Not saying what that is on here. I’m interested to see if he can keep it up.
My friend has noticed my anxiety has got worse again. A coincidence?

[Author]

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