Why!?

[Icandothisagain]

So after so many attempts to leave and stay out I have done it, my and my ex have been back and forth for years all because he promised me all the changes in the world and I kept falling for it! Well this time I nearly did again and I think Iv messed up.
So we separated (removed by moderator) so it’s still very fresh! But I this time coming out I had things put in place, I had a non molestation order put in place and also a prohibited steps order for our little girl.
So the non mol order stated he couldn’t be in (removed by moderator) off me or harass and intermediate me but he was still allowed to contact me regarding contact with our daughter. Anyway he has been doing that and he has been doing a lot of contact about our daughter but then he starts going on about me and him and sending me random messages saying he missed me etc, I got to the point where I started replying to them and explain why I left etc and again he promised me the world if I took him back. Tonight I was so tempted to take him back because I’m having one of my low days today in fact if been having low days the last few days, but have I made a big mistake because there was an order in place have I just ruined that order, I’m sure back in court after Christmas and he is invited to that one too and I’m scared the judge is just going to say basically tough now you replied to messages so the order will no longer be in place! I don’t no what to expect.

I am finding it very hard being on my own I get so lonely of the evenings when kiddies are in bed and I no this is normal to feel like this but I’m scared it will get to much to the point I take him back.

[diymum@1]

Try to look at the long term – it’s early days you might still have a trauma bond there and the pressure is on at Christmas xx try to discipline your self focus on the future you want for you and your child. A good future without him will be a million times better. So this hurts for now and you will pine but hold tight xx put the boundaries back on place why not use a third party for emails texts xx this way you will recover xx it could be a clear message for court – third party contact is needed because he is coercive xx remember he wants to get back with you to control you xx with control there is no happiness ❤️

[fizzylem]

Couldn’t agree more ICDTSI, I think this is excellent and sound advice from DIY xx

[Icandothisagain]

Thank you for your advice, some days are harder then others, I have now cut all contact with him and using a third party, I have cleared my phone of him and deleted his number so I can’t keep looking back at it all as I found I was doing that a lot and having a little cry everytime I looked back at pictures.

Thank you again

Merry Christmas to you all x

[fizzylem]

Great! You’ve taken back your power! You’re back on track lady! Lesson learned, wont get you again. Its harder this time of year, it can be an emotional time and it’s very natural to mourn the loss of the relationship, the hopes and the dreams – the how you hoped it would be – to miss ome of the good times had. Be with how you feel yes, but ride these feelings out and tell yourelf to never react or act from them – as this leads you to a place you really don’t want to go. When you feel this again, go with it yes, but after you have given yourself space to mourn, redress the balance by reminding yourself of all the things he did that were terrible – leaves you knowing and feeling the man is unlovable and this was absolutely the right decision for you and the kids.

Give yourself a huge pat on the back – what you’ve done is one big act of self love and care – you’ve given yourself exactly what you need here – and have protected you and your kiddies as well. Go you!

Seasons wishes. FL.x

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