12th January 2016 at 9:13 pm #7627
I have been trying to analyse why I’m doing what I’m doing and now thinking it’s due to Trauma Bonding.
My abuser and I are splitting up after (detail removed by moderator), I felt like a weight had been lifted of my shoulders a light at the end of the tunnel. I couldn’t see a way out, though I would stand up to him at times I never like to make him too cross.
When he said it was over, he said that I could move out as I had some where to go and he didn’t. In truth I don’t have anywhere to go and he can afford to rent till we sale.
The solicitor has also said it was best to stay put, as they can drag their heels with the sale and people that know him has said the same. Which I have done, also I began using the time to see him for what he was. I knew it wasn’t right but I didn’t realise how cool and calculating his action was.
Though its him that filled for the divorce its him thats causing problems there, dragging it out, and now its going to court.
Also the police say to wait to I’m in a safe place before I make a statement.
Before Christmas I went out, I book a room for the night so I could have a drink. I was getting stressed during the day because I had to stay in the house longer than I normally do and didn’t know it he would kick off (he didn’t he went out). Then when I was out people were asking about how things were going, I only had two glasses of wine with the meal, the next thing I knew was my friend speaking to me, I had passed out and vomited over myself. Everyone were very kind, but the person opposite said they thought I’d died, I slumped forward and went gray.
This week I got nervous and my legs buckled, (I have made an appointment to see my doctor).
Now I’m thinking am I staying there because abuse is the only thing I know, I doubt all the reasons that I have been doing things.
12th January 2016 at 9:32 pm #7633Twisted SisterParticipant
what good news that you are separating from him, but i wonder how true this is, or whether its just some sick game from him?
All i’m thinking is that you need to be safe? Whether you have a locking bedroom door and stay out of his way and separate all shopping cooking and housekeeping things to your own things, leaving the rest for him to do his bit. You can keep your own things in your room if needs be.
I think its unlikely he’s going to go, but thats my cynical head maybe when it comes to them, as leaving involves making effort, and walking away from financial benefit possibly.
I hope eveyrthing goes well with the docs and that you could have something to help with anxiety if that is what’s causing this.
14th January 2016 at 8:24 am #7723
The police have given me a door braise for my bedroom and alarms. Not sure if they are much use but it gives me comfort.
I think you’re right he’s not going anywhere. I need to revaluate what I am doing.
14th January 2016 at 1:17 pm #7731Confused123Participant
dont be too hard on yourself , dealing with these men is hard work and u r slowly re discovering yourself , keep your support neetwork open and strong,how ever u feel talk to us or your support worker and we can work this out together, im a year out and still get days where i think was it bad, do i really to get justice, yes we do hun , def make statement when u feel safe to do so, it took me (detail removed by moderator) months to move away and i have only done now, just log will police u do want to make statement about abuse but when u feel safe, that way no one can question later why u took your time, all the time protect yourself hun , speaking on here is best way to get yourself feeling strong i think
14th January 2016 at 9:58 pm #7751
Thank you Confused123
Sometimes I feel like a rabbits caught in the head lights, its like my ability to make decisions has been robbed from me.
Lets hope in time I can, I do feel stronger, and I find this site a great comfort.
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