24th February 2016 at 1:26 pm #10328SilkyHalideParticipant
So things are starting to fall apart for him.
i don’t want to stick the knife im just relieved his tactics are starting to fail and he’s loosing power.
i default to reasonable and care taking, rather than defensive but then worry maybe I’m not protecting enough.
24th February 2016 at 2:58 pm #10331HerindoorsParticipant
You feel sorry for him because you are a kind and compassionate person, depsite what he has done to you. This is our strength and should not be underestimated. We shouldn’t lose that strength but we need to learn to be compassionate to ourselves first. Being compassionate to yourself first, I think, means letting go fully of our abusers and not letting our compassion drag them back into our lives.
Take care xx
24th February 2016 at 7:32 pm #10347lover of no contactParticipant
Also SilkyHalide, never forget what evil he is capable of. To wilfully want to alienate your daughters from their mother.
This may be just a set-back for him. Don’t forget abusers prey on our pity and compassion. How do you know things are falling apart for him? He may just want you to think that. Is that information coming from your children?
Don’t worry about him. Worry about you and your daughters and your very precious relationship between you and your daughters that he wants to destroy, which once he’s back on his feet he’ll start trying to destroy again. These abusers are ruthless.
Don’t worry even if things are falling apart for him he’ll manipulate enough of his ‘allies’ people who will listen to his sad tale of woe, to come to his aid. People and families normally rally around abusers, its the real victims who are left to fend for themselves with very little help.
Sounds cynical but that’s my experience.
24th February 2016 at 9:30 pm #10357Confused123Participant
It’s cause we r kind hearted , well time to put a stone on your heart , this man abuses u , he doesn’t deserve your sympathy or kindness , let him go through his bad stage , his not your problem and will never be greatful he will just hurt u more , keep away
24th February 2016 at 10:00 pm #10365SilkyHalideParticipant
I am keeping him away from me.
I don’t want to be guilty of alienating him from them now.
9th May 2016 at 9:26 pm #16820Peace and painParticipant
i am convince my husband ( depafrted (detail removed by Moderator) weeks ago no contact he stopped me last week has spun my head all over the place ) i think he has mental health and has just avoided everything debt , etc and got with me and i am the opposite (~ apart from when i was with him and kind of followed his way – now on my own back on traack or should i say everythink is in control and been paid now – but i think he is an avoider and always has been and since he was with me it scared him and he run away again ( (detail removed by Moderator)th time ) but he always came back before now he hasnt and broken me and i just keep making excuses its because his head is messed up and i beg him and plead him to come back in (detail removed by Moderator) emails in (detail removed by Moderator) weeks because i feel so sorry for him and want to help him
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