Why??? Am I insane??

[I.dont.know.]

I just want to rant to make myself feel less insane!
Why why why does my partner constantly nip me?? He claims it’s his way of showing affection I repeat the words everyday I hate that so stop doing it yet he responds by doing it more and laughing about doing it! Also when we’re sat on the sofa he will ram his feet under my backside which again is uncomfortable and he knows how much I hate it yet he does it more!!

I have body issues and an eating disorder since I was a teenager caused by bullies calling me names like chubs or chunk which he knows all about yet he calls me these names daily again in a “jokey manner” and grabs my belly and wobbles it which again he knows I hate!!

[I.dont.know.]

Also when we go to bed on a night he makes me feel trapped by cuddling up to me from behind and putting his arm tightly around me. I just lay there and feel like I can’t move.

[freedomtochoose]

No, love, you are not insane. (Detail removed by moderator). They just try to make you feel as if you are.
take care
ftc
x

[iwillbeok]

Oh my god! Why are these patterns so common? My husband pinched me “playfully” for years! I would beg him to stop as it b****y well hurt!! He would tell me It couldn’t possibly hurt it. He was just playing. Then it was that he couldn’t help it – he had “reactions” to foods (especially colourings); he’d diagnosed himself with ADHD. It was the same for tickling.

Also while watching TV he would sprawl over the couch, insist I sat next to him with his legs draped over mine. My legs would get sore then go numb. But it was “snuggly” and he would get the sulks if I sat in another chair.

So, no, you’re not going insane. He is systematically trying to break down your (healthy personal) boundaries while gas-lighting you to make out you are over sensitive &/or imagining things. This is the fog they create; the shifting sands beneath our feet so that we never feel stable enough to stand our ground and stand up for ourselves.

Sending you strength,

Iwillbeok

[I.dont.know.]

Iwillbeok thank god im not imagining it! And obviously their all similar is their ways!
Have you managed to break away from the situation? I’ve only just realised that every thing he’s done to me over the years is emotional absue.
I’m just trying to sort out a way to leave. X

[iwillbeok]

Hi i.d.k,

Yes i am free of him. His abuse escalated quite rapidly to sexual coersion/rape. My escape happened suddenly, with no plan – I had reached my ‘f**k this’ moment. I got an injunction/occupation order and am divorcing him

I reached out and found I was not alone as I thought I was. I have found so many very supportive people. I have had counselling and have worked very hard to be where I am now. I.d.k. there is a way through this – its tough but it is so worth it! You deserve to live without fear and with peace. Reach out and keep pushing til you find people to help you. It takes strength but that strength is already inside you – you have survived this toxic man so far!

Sending you healing hugs and lots of steel!

Iwillbeok x*x

[Chickadee]

Hi I dont. Know.

They do this, it is undermining, it is to break you down, it is so they have control.

An abuser/toxic person as a partner or spouse has much in common with a predator or bully.

You have shared with him that you have an eating disorder and that what he is doing causes you pain. And you have shared with him that you were bullied and called names, yet he calls you the same names and inflicts pain.

This is not someone that respects you or cares for you. It is not a healthy relationship.

[Freedomfighter]

Hi Idontknow,
Definitely not insane. When we tell them what we don’t like, aren’t comfortable with, are painful etc the have to cross the boundaries we set to affirm their power and control over us. They are like spoilt children, if you say no they have to do it.
Mine knew I was uncomfortable with my curvy figure, didn’t do topless, didn’t like being in the limelight, hated him pointing other women out to me and making lewd comments
If I dared to complain, ask him not to do something etc he did it even more, going out of his way to embarrass even humiliate me. I soon learnt to keep quiet. Shame I didn’t realise it was abuse as quickly 😊
Mine used these things as punishments if I upset him or stood up to him. If I mentioned this he told me I was paranoid and imagining things.
As someone mentioned above, all designed to keep us off balance, confused, knock our confidence and self esteem. It works brilliantly well too. I think they have a manual they all work from lol!
Keep posting, keep smiling and trust your gut.
He doesn’t respect your boundaries, doesn’t care he’s hurting, upsetting or making you uncomfortable. That’s not love, not healthy or good enough for you, or any of us.
We deserve better, don’t settle for their twisted version of love. It’s not real. It’s not healthy. It will drain and destroy you if you let him.
Sending you hugs and strength ❤️

[Author]

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