why am I not feeling better

[mantra]

I left (detail removed by moderator) when he threatened to throw my son out of our home when he said he wanted to see his sister who we had all been banned from even mentioning for the last (detail removed by moderator) & were all seeing her in secret , terrified of being caught by him or reported back by anyone who knew us.

I am signed off long term sick with depression,anxiety & I can be managing when from nowhere I am drowning in blackness & am scared of how much I dont want to be here anymore.

The more I dont speak of the traumas the more normal they become again & I begin to re-believe that I am mad, like he told me & that this is all my fault & I am the selfish ***** he says I am.

I am worried I was already sick because surely I wouldnt still be feeling this way

[KIP.]

You will never get better while living with the cause of your depression and anxiety. Living with that kind of fear causes huge mental problems. Can you ring the helpline on here or get in touch with your local women’s aid?

[Freedomfighter]

Hi Mantra,
Sorry you’re having such a rough time. You are not mad nor selfish, you do sound like you’re in danger. Take care. Have you phoned the helpline yet? They can help you put an escape plan together. Could you go and stay with family or friends for a while with your son? You shouldn’t have to live in fear like this. Please reach out and get support. Best wishes, stay safe

[KIP.]

Hi mantra, I think I misunderstood your post. If you have left him and are having no contact it sounds like PTSD. Can you visit your GP and ask for councelling or if you can afford to pay privately for specialist councelling much sooner then that is the best way to go. Sounds like your brain has begun to process the trauma you have been going through, now that your head space isn’t all taken up with trying to keep safe it has time to process the danger you have been in. Still ring the helpline. You are not mad. I went through the same as you. It’s a normal reaction of your brain to trauma and will take time. Years of mental punches will take a long time to heal from. Keep posting and seek help from your GP initially x

[mantra]

thanks for getting back to me, I feel so alone & dont like to talk about it with friends, they a re very supportive but I dont want to burden them.My GP is very kind & supportive but keeps signing me off with emotional stress. I dont see any end in sight, I feel sick with guilt & failure, have no confidence, I must look weird if I go out coz I wear sunglasses coz I cant bear to make eye contact with anyone. I have a new relationship & he is loving, kind,totally suportive but I think I am going to destroy that too as I am scared I am not noticing something, just like the last time.

[Author]

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