Why am I not okay

[Sadwhenalone]

Hi so I’ve just joined and this is my first post. I broke up with my ex a few months ago and I think it’s only just hitting me how abusive the relationship was – mentally and physically. I thought things would be better but I constantly think about everything he did and said and it makes me so sad and angry and ashamed that I let him treat me like that – strangling me, pushing me(once into drawers and had to go a&e to get my head glued), shouting in my face trying to scare me, blaming me for him getting angry and name calling (s**t/w***e/fat). Sometimes he would say he can’t remember doing it or saying it because he was angry and that’s how he is.
I don’t want to talk to friends/family about it because I feel stupid for putting up with it. I went to my doctors a month or so after I ended the relationship and briefly told him about the relationship but he was stone cold about it making me feel worse especially it being so hard to say! Just makes me feel alone.
Sorry for the essay but I’ve been holding this in for a while.
If anyone has any suggestions on how to stop feeling this sad that would be much appreciated:)

[Sadwhenalone]

^bit of back story – it was what I would class as my first serious relationship, we lived together and last almost (detail removed by moderator)

[Twisted Sister]

Dear sadwhenalone

It’s so good you posted and I am sorry to hear you had such a horrible time, its awesome that you have got yourself and you need blame yourself no longer. It’s not your fault and you are definitely not stupid. It really is all about him. He’s abusive and it definitely leaves to feeling that way.

You have done so well to get out and are to be commended for it! Move GP as he sounds awful, and you never know when you are speaking to an abuser. Change GP, this is no way to respond to someone who as been brave enough to open up about abuse, so many stay silent and so those that d speak deserve even more so to be heard and not shut down or ignored.

I hope it’s helped you to post on here, you deserve better and are free now to see the abuse in all its full gory glory, with the best seat, at a distance! The distance gives you the chance to process what you have been through and start talking, recovering and moving through the emotions as they come and go.

Warmest wishes ts

[Sadwhenalone]

Thank you so much for replying! It’s so much different hearing it from someone else rather than trying to convince myself.
How is a GP meant to react? Is there anything they can do to help me get over it than giving me leaflets etc? I don’t know what to do and I don’t like the idea of going to a support group.
I always downplayed what he did because he “loved” me and someone who loves you shouldn’t want to hurt you on purpose but now my views have completely changed and I don’t know how to deal with my emotions

[Lisa]

Hi there,

Welcome to the forum, I hope you find it a supportive place to be.

Firstly, you did not let him treat you like that. You are not responsible for his behaviour, he chooses to be abusive. You aren’t stupid, you are a survivor.

If you didn’t find GP useful, it may be worth speaking to your local domestic abuse service. They may be able to offer domestic abuse counselling or other forms of emotional support.

You could also call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247. Calls are answered by trained female support workers, they won’t tell you what to do but they can talk things through.

Take care and keep posting

Best Wishes,

Lisa

[Twisted Sister]

Please do keep posting on here where we are all here to help and validate the way you feel.

Telling anyone what you have suffered should clearly be met with understanding and support, not blank invalidating silence and no engagement with your options for support and recovery.

I think you would know, we would all have ge idea that this might be a good starting point , right? It doesn’t take years of training to show some basic compassion and offers of support.

Do call Samaritans to talk it through, and the helpline who can give you options and validation for your experiences.

It’s a very emotional roller-coaster needing compassion and support to work through. You have suffered enough. Keep going until you find a helpful response, something that feels right for you. He’s not it from what you say.
Warmest wishes ts

[Author]

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