Why can’t I do it?

[seaglass]

So I’ve still not been brave enough, I’ve told him if it was his house I would leave for at least a while as the atmosphere is so awful. Awful for all of us, particularly my son. I’ve tried to say how much it all effects him, he says it doesn’t. He. Also says he will do anything for us to all be together and how he’s making an effort cooking etc and that I have to draw a line on past stuff somewhere and he will never character assassinate me again. He also says I’ve done just as bad to him, I treat him terribly etc. I have admittedly been very separate from him this last (detail removed by Moderator) months as it’s the only way I can stay ok. I don’t think I can forgive him, I don’t trust him emotionally, but then he will make all that out to be my fault too. But then I just feel like a whingey misery and that I’m being mean and it could all be ok, but those moments are fleeting. Why on earth does he want to be around me, why doesn’t he just go? except it’s my home, he has no full time job , no savings etc, owes me money, so has far more to lose I suppose, but then I feel guilty as he will struggle.
I can’t see the point of explaining anything as he twists it and it’s never his fault, but that lack of conversation is frustrating him, it then feels like he is bullying me for answers by persistently asking things.
I almost managed it, asked him to stay at (detail removed by Moderator), but he argued that point so much it beat me down and then my mum had (detail removed by Moderator) that (detail removed by Moderator) so my head was elsewhere and he stayed and now I have to start over.
Why is it so hard, what am I scared of? I think partly it’s that I have so little self belief left I feel I can protect my son more if we are in the same house, as what if we split and he then gets him At least 50% of the time? He doesn’t support school and education which is causing a huge issue for our son, as he is so confused and puts on a show every morning for his dad about hating it, hating learning etc etc. I get him in the car early with his clothes and get him to school and then he gets ready. Once out of his dads view he is ok, he is popular and happy and skips into class.
Oh why can’t I do it .

[Weak Link]

Hi seaglass,

I sat here here reading your post and just pictured my husband. He told me that I am manipulative and emotionally abusing him! I have had to ring the helpline for support many times. I give up trying to say anything to my husband. Even if he is wrong, he is right. When he twists everything I say, it just drives me insane. I barely bother saying too much now. Yes, the 101 questions make me want to pull my hair out too. Sometimes we just want 5 minutes of peace to think.

Today I finally gathered all my energy, thought of my kids, and phoned family law to book a free consultation. Its taken me years to dial the number. Its a stepping stone. I am hoping the advice next week will give me the strength to take a stand. Maybe you could try the same. Its just solicitor advice for now and it could help you greatly.

Can I just say that you are brave. Just by coming on the forum it shows how much courage and bravery you have. Stay strong. I know its hard but try not to let him break you.

[DizzyFossil]

Just wanted to show my support, you could so easily be describing my husband, I’m so sorry you’re going through this, you sound like an amazing Mum, that will be a huge protection for your Son until you’re ready to make the change.

You are brave and strong and wise, don’t let him tell you different! Mine is currently and gradually minimising all that we’ve talked about and it can feel so hopeless, but you’re here and you’re aware and you will do what’s right when you can xx

[Author]

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