20th July 2021 at 6:50 pm #129040AnonymousInactive
Why can’t I do it , I see others and there smile is real ! I’m just a fake who can’t seem to be able to let go and get him to leave , I don’t love him , he’s not a nice person but I don’t know what wrong with me !
Life’s ticking me by and it’s a complete lie
Feeling so so sad today
This is it isn’t it
20th July 2021 at 7:25 pm #129044AnonymousInactive
I’m really new here and in a very similar situation.
Maybe it’s change we’re scared of?
Hope you’re feeling better knowing someone is listening
21st July 2021 at 3:24 pm #129072Wants To HelpParticipant
Just want to let you know that you CAN do this, you’re not just not ready for it at this time.
Probably every single one of us on here who are now free from abuse felt at one point that we could never leave. I know I did. I got myself in to a situation that was very difficult to get out of, but I did succeed and have lived free of abuse for well over a decade now 🙂
You have already started your preparation for leaving by being on this site. You are starting to realise that your relationship is not right in some way, it’s not making you happy, life is short, you deserve better. If you’re not ready to admit it’s abusive that’s fine, the fact you’re acknowledging it’s not what you want is enough.
We’ve all faked the smiles, faked the ‘our relationship is fine’ to other people. Don’t believe that all of the smiles you see other people giving are genuinely real, don’t EVER feel that you are the only one whose relationship is failing. There’s nothing wrong with you. If you don’t love him then you don’t love him.
Continue to prepare. We are amazing, and we can achieve things that we believe are impossible. No one runs a marathon without preparation, and the novice people who do complete a marathon probably once thought they would never be able to run 26 miles.
I’m not going to lie, leaving an abuser is hard. It involves huge change (and as human beings we generally DO NOT like change!) It involves sacrifices. Everything changes, and in the short term, not all of the changes seem for the better. It involves dealing with the unknown. Often it’s easier to stay, because at least that way, we know what life will be like. Ultimately, it comes down to ‘end – or endure’.
Over a decade down the line I am still single (by choice.) I am independent. I have my confidence, my friends, my life where I can choose to go where I want to, see who I want to. I still have my issues from my abusive relationship and these will never leave me and I accept I will never fully heal. But the life I live now is 100% better than the life I would have had if I had stayed.
This “isn’t it” for you. Continue to prepare, read/research, look at options and consider them all, seek professional advice, trust your self and your own feelings, listen to your inner thoughts and don’t let anyone else tell you what you ‘should’ be thinking or feeling. You do have the power within you to make some changes and live a life free of abuse.
Good luck to you x
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