Why can’t I forget?

[readytogetbetter]

I keep re-living all the abuse and pain I went through. I’m on medication for PTSD, but in my quiet moments it all come flooding back. I don’t have time to go to therapy because I have to work a lot. Also, it’s very expensive. I just hate that this is with me for life now. I hate him for what he did to me and every time I feel that pain it’s all fresh again. He’s ruined my life. I’m trying hard to rebuild but it’s difficult. Then there is the continual torture of handovers. I can’t stand even seeing that horrible face of his and I can’t get away from him because of the child arrangements. He continues to torture me through the access. All the mind games and I just hate him. I can’t away from the emotional abuse. I think it’s why deep down I think therapy would be useless because as long as there are child arrangements I have no way of getting away from him and living a life free of abuse. I think I’ve answered my own question of “Why can’t I forget?” At the same time, I have no idea of what to do.

[Lisa]

Hi readytogetbetter,

Thank you for sharing with us, I hope it has helped to post about how you are feeling and what you are going through. Sometimes the memory of what you endured and the difficulties of starting a new life can make you feel as if you are not healing, and understandably the contact due to child arrangements can be exhausting and distressing. Is there a third party who be used for child arrangements to remove the direct contact with him?

Incase it is an option for you, there are courses which can be accessed in your own time and at your own pace covering topics such as trauma, abuse and boundaries. You can access free online courses created by or in partnership with therapists specialising in trauma at https://bloom.chayn.co/

Keep posting when you can.

Best wishes,

Lisa

[Llgirl]

Do you have anyone who could facilitate as a third party so you don’t have to do the handovers?

[SingleMomSurvivor]

I can relate. I have kids with my ex and it really is hard to heal when you still have to have contact with them because of the children. Have you looked into using any of the parenting apps or websites out there & thought about using one of those to communicate with him? The nice thing about the co-parenting apps is that you can use them for all communication about the kids and it completely eliminates the need for emails, text messages and even non emergency phone calls. A lot of the apps have a calendar so you can input important dates like like your kids doctor appointments and your ex will be able to see them on the calendar. Some of the apps have a time and date stamp read receipt feature, so whenever your ex opens a message that you’ve sent through the app, the date/time that he viewed it will be permanently stamped on the message. No more “oh I never got your text, email etc.” If you haven’t looked into those apps already, I’d recommend looking into it.

And then also like LlGirl said, if you van use a 3rd party for handoffs that will help a great deal too

[tryingtosleep]

Hi readytogetbetter, I can relate to a lot of this. However there are cheaper options of therapy- either free through the NHS – if you can wait long enough or centres which provide discount therapy from fairly newly qualified therapists. Again- if you can handle the waiting list. I started therapy a few months ago. At the moment I’m between therapists so I’m really struggling but I’m hoping that at some point I will be able to develop some coping strategies to deal with all this. It’s all very hard. I know what you mean about the hatred. I feel it too. At the end of the day I’m just trying to be there for my kids. They suffered too. Good luck x

[Mellow]

I’m the same have kids together he’s taking me to court despite the whole relationship saying he’s got no money for anything everything he does is to spite me I had to cut contact because he was emotionally abusing me through the kids.I’d there anyway you can go back to court and say you need someone to handover ?im sorry you are going through this !im dreading being ordered.i know other person mentioned an app but it did not help me heal better stoppingconts t helped me but in your situation you can’t cause of court im so sorry .i relive it every day I know when I saw him at handover it was worse for me and he kept abusing me via text I’d also advise you not to let him have your phone number

[Mellow]

Also I haven’t had time to go to therapy I feel like that’s another thing focused on him when I want to forget him.no one seems to understand anyway

[Author]

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