Why can’t I leave?

[AbbeyRoad]

Here we go again Friday night he’s come home drunk and now I’m hiding upstairs or he’ll drag me down the stairs because I left my plate on the side. Yet tomorrow he’ll be nice and I’ll forgive him and blame it on the stress of what he’s going through. I’ll find happiness in the small nice things he does, we’ll have a week of lovely times and we go round the cycle again. I think to myself this isn’t as bad as other women go through, I mean he throws things at me, tells me he’s going to punch me but doesn’t ever hit me, he calls me fat but you know that’s true I say so myself, he tells me I’m a loser and have no friends which could be true too. I reached out to friends who didn’t want to know and others that tell me if I don’t leave him they have nothing else to say. I blame it on the fact he’s trying to handle his childhood trauma and I making it all out to be way worse than it is. I mean all relationships are hard right, this is just men letting off steam. Why do I do that? Why can’t I say enough, that’s the last time you do this to me? I guess I don’t want what is the next step. One I can’t reverse from, one that means I call an end to it, leave the house we own together, my dog and I’m not strong enough to do that so I live in hope he’ll sort himself out. Does this make sense to anyone else? I feel pathetic and weak.

[Better-days]

Ur not pathetic and weak we are all hear for the same reason. The fact that you have posted on here answers your questions it’s not ok to treat you like that and there’s plenty of people on this page who second guess themselves. What u are going through is herrendous. I am the exact same position I feel I can’t leave because of my kids but coming on this forum has changed my whole outlook and made me so very much stronger. I don’t have too much advice as I say I am I’m the same position but just wanted to send a reply hope u r ok. Xx

[AbbeyRoad]

Thank you, I am so sorry for you too and I am also so great at giving advice, I would say f*** him, life’s so short we don’t have many years to be enjoying life and you deserve to be loved by a man who treats you well and loves you entirely and makes you so so happy for as many days as you have. Because that’s true but hard to make any moves towards. Yet however clearly I can see yours situation and advise it’s like I’m deaf to my own situation. I’ve kind of numbed the impact, I explain it all away. Tonight it’s over he’s found me, belittled me told me how horrible and stupid I am and now asleep snoring. So finally I can sleep. Tomorrow I’ll wake up better with a bit more energy to go at it again. However there must be end to it right? There will be a moment I’m strong enough to say enough.

[Better-days]

Definitely you will stay strong x

[nbumblebee]

Ahhh sweetie you are not pathetic nor are you to blame you are suffering you are stuck in freeze mode this is not your fault.
Ive been marrked over (detail removed by Moderator) decades ive had my eyes olened 2 years now ive been on this site asking questions learning fighting for 2 years and yet still I stay.
So you are not alone.
I cant tell you to leave I dont but what I am trying to dl is improve my life my self esteme getting my ducks in a row.
Ive so far talked to a counsellor who is helping me. I have a job he hates and stops me going daily but I go I have set up my own bank account wherd i save I pay a PT to help me get stronger in case I need to fight back I try and go out with friends very rare as he kicks off but I do now and again to show him he cant rule me. He calls me names puts me down shouts screams says such nasty things forces me to have sex and rarely he has hit or pushed me but mostly he messes with my head. It isnt easy i wont lie daily i wish i hasnt woken up Im so unhappy yet I have to put on a smile i hate it but small little wins come along and gives me hope encouragment.
Start small sweetie just tiny little steps open a bank account find a job get a new hobby volunteer haircut whatever but take one small step that will lead to another and another and before you know it you will be on a different path that will one day lead to a new life without him. Xxxxx

[Author]

Posts