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Hi,
I am new to the forum and am hoping it helps me lay my demons to rest and move on. I have been out of an abusive relationship for many years and in a new relationship with a kind committed man for a few years. I trust him completely and we are due to marry soon, but I can’t seem to 100% relax around him. I know he would never hurt me, but even so, occasionally there are moments where I panic, and am afraid of him. I can tell it really frustrates him, and he finds it offensive that I freak out, but it is not a conscious reaction, it’s instinctive. How can I get over this? Has anyone been through something similar and how did you work through it?
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Hi, have you had any counselling? It might be Post Traumatic Stress disorder. It’s been years and I’m still triggered by men shouting. I would speak to your GP and ask to be referred to a good counsellor who specialises in domestic abuse. Maybe both of you could go along. It’s a shame to let an abusive relationship impact on your new one x
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Hi,
No I haven’t had any counselling, if I’m honest, I don’t know much about it. Have you been personally? I’m still a little bit nervous as on the whole things are going well, I don’t want to rock the boat, or frighten my partner off! Do you sometimes feel like you’re moving backwards? I struggle because I keep telling myself I should be over this by now, I don’t want to waste my GP’s time on something that is just me being unable to move on!
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Counselling saved me. Recovering from domestic abuse is a real roller coaster. The emotional trauma we are left with can destroy our well being. I really think you need to talk to someone who understands. There is a helpline number on this forum and they are really helpful. Before counselling I didn’t understand why I was having nightmares, flashbacks, still on high alert. It took me a long time to recover. I felt like it was one step forwards then three back lol. You would be wasting no ones time. The psychological damage for me was far worse than any physical.
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I agree with Kip, it sounds like it could be PTSD. Your mind and body learnt in the past that certain actions/words/movements/places meant danger and it get ingrained so that even when there is no current danger it still reacts to certain triggers. It’s very common after experiencing abuse. It happens to me all the time and my abusive relationship was very short. The other day I went for a sports massage and suddenly started crying when the massage therapist put their hands at the sides of my neck to help with neck pain. Because my ex had put his hands around my neck it was a trigger, it was very quick and happened without conscious thought. I find it very hard to trust men now and often worry that they are untrustworthy or dangerous.
If you’ve never talked about it to anyone before it is likely that there is buried pain and trauma from what happened. Counselling can be painful, bringing up the memories but it will help you heal and move forward and enjoy your new, healthy relationship.
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