Why cant i stop

[Ilikechicken]

I dont know how to stop thinking about him constantly. I got residency and the children see their dad, we communicate via email although he tries in person a lot to bully his way. We have a disabled child and he is pushing to change the schools etc of both our kids to near him etc in order to aid him getting more custody, he is clearly setting things back in place to go to court and im terrified. I cant stop thinking of the mental damage he will do to the kids seeing them more, he is already using them as pawns and telling them things and being disney dad. He has got involved with the school and is manipulating and saying things and causing right chaos. How do you stop panicking about what they will say and do next. The idea of him getting 50% custody worries me as the kids school life will be messed up he wont do homework or take them to their after school stuff and making them dislike me.

I know this is trivial stuff to be panicking about considering the hell the last year has been and the horrific things i read about people going through on here, but how are you supposed to stop being afraid of what they will say and do next when they can just keep taking you back to court to get more and more of the kids lives to control you with.

[KIP.]

I think when we feel we are not in control, it can affect us badly. Taking back control can give you some confidence in your own abilities. Keep a journal of his behaviour towards you and the children. One incident doesn’t paint the bigger picture of his manipulation. Like wanting to change school for his own selfish reasons. Not putting the kids welfare first. Take back control of contact. Email only and only look at his emails once or twice a week. Keep building on your own life with the kids. Having them in a good routine with you isn’t something the court will want to disrupt. Get in touch with womens aid on how to handle this situation going forward.

[fizzylem]

A turning point for me was when I started to understand he can say what he likes, doesn’t really mean anything, if you and the children are happy and established in your life there’s not a lot to worry about – just the ball ache of attending court again and the time this takes. You have primary residency, highly unlikely any J would agree to this kind of a disruption if the kids are happy and settled. What dad wants and what he gets will be two very different things – stay true to your path and beliefs, you are doing what is right for your children and this can be shown if that time comes.

I think the key here is to not ‘react’, not give what he says or does any creedance – let him get on with it and only deal with it when you have to. You dont need to respond to him, only what the court asks of you, so ignore him and what he says and focus on you and the children x

[Ilikechicken]

Thank you so much for your replies, I feel better reading them. I just cant relax because it’s the kids lives he is trying to shape and get underway in order to get more custody and I dont see how our kids can manage school, homework, clubs etc between two houses especially with one child having aspergers (undiagnosed at present but pretty confident about. He is talking to the school getting them to agree with him about a particular school that I feel isnt right and selling that it’s in our childs interest and proper working he charm. I can’t stop thinking and worrying about it I’m covered in a stress indused rash, I am scared him having more custody than one weekend and a weekday dinner Is gonna ruin the kids upbringing and make factors of the aspergers worth.
One minute he is telling me forcefully what I have to do, then he is all acting like my best mate especially infront of others. My head is a mess. When does it get easier?

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