Why can't I tell my Dad

[Janedoeissad]

I’ve been discussing my abusive ex with everyone. Family and friends and everyone has been so supportive. I’ve had one or two stupid comments but due to not understanding rather than being cruel.

Anyway, the one person I cannot seem to build up the courage to tell is my Dad but I can not figure out why. When I think of telling him I get bad anxiety.

I know my Dad will be so angry at my partner. I feel like I’ve always been successful in his eyes and this is a failure on my part? Even though I know it’s not. I told him snippets early on in the relationship and he was so supportive.

Has anyone else had this?

I also think telling my Dad means no going back. I’d have to leave. I think this as I told myself I’d tell my Dad last. He’s an extremely protective Father and I knew I could reduce his anxiety if I was only there a short time after I told him everything.

[Janedoeissad]

Wow! I just realised I put abusive ex when I haven’t left yet!! Freudian slip there!

[Dragonfly]

Hey

I can kind of relate to this although my dad died many yrs ago we were very close and I think this would have destroyed him, he would have been so hurt and angry. I wouldn’t want to hurt my dad.

I can also relate to the thought you’ve had that your dad would be the last person you tell. I think subconsciously you know once you’ve told him you have no choice but to leave the abusive relationship. Leaving however is probably more difficult than telling your dad.

Have faith in your dad, he obviously loves you. He will help you. He’s probably stronger than you expect. He’ll only want to protect you. Hey you might find it’s the best move you make.

Xx

[KIP.]

I wish I’d told my family sooner. They felt the same. They could have helped. Maybe telling your dad is the push you need. The police and courts were my push or I’d still be getting abused. I was frozen. Take that leap of faith.

[Ruby2shoes]

Gosh this could be me! I’ve told my parents now, well I told my mum who told my dad as I knew I’d cry if I told him. He then sent me a text to say Mum had told him and that mine and my daughters happiness is his only concern and that I deserve so much better. Naturally I cried! I’m very close to my dad. I went to see them and told them how I was feeling and they were very supportive and said they will support me whether I stay or leave. The one issue I have is that they’ve kind of said they’ve hated the way he talks to me for years but bit their Tongues as i was oblivious to it and they didn’t want to make it worse for me. They’ve been saying what they feel about him which kind of makes me feel they want me to leave him but they say it has to be my decision. This pulls at your heart strings too as I want to please them but I’m still undecided as my situation is complex. We’re in huge debt thanks to my Husband and my parents had already bailed us out once but he’s gone and done it again and this time we owe more! I not been able to tell them about the debt, I’ve to,d them about the other abuse but for me once I tell them about e debt that will be the nail in the coffin and they’re will be no going back. They’d be mortified about this. I also worry as they’re pensioners in their late 70s they’ve said if I’m going to do anything do it while they’re still around so they can help me but I don’t want to add that burden to them.

[Confused123]

Hi Hun

I think our dads know anyway,my dad chose to put a blind eye over it as couldnt accept, i think we are more scared of admitiing it ourselves we are been abused, i cant really helpin this area much , i know my dad loves me loads in his own way and it fruriates him what ex did to me , but i just felt got left there alone ot deal with ex,, slowely dealing with this

[Janedoeissad]

Thank you all for your replies.

I think it is because it will be final and I will have to go as I know my Dad would not want me in the situation I am in.

Confused123 he really does have no idea, I have never told him any of the real details, when I did discuss somethings with him, I stated we argued, rather than I am being bullied. He certainly wouldn’t turn a blind eye. I know that for certain. I think that is part of the problem. My Dad would make sure my partner never got near me again.

Ruby2shoes, I am sorry to hear about your situation. Maybe you should appraoch a debt charity to see what you can do about your debts. Maybe if you had a plan together, you would feel less guilty about telling them that you are back in that situation again? I owe my Dad money but know as soon as I am out of this situation, I can pay him back. So its not as bad.

KIP telling my family was the best thing I ever did. They have said the occasional daft thing but overall they have been an amazing cheer leading squad. They are cheering me on to leave but in a sensitive and respectful way. I am going to tell my Dad.

[Ruby2shoes]

I will get help I’m just waiting for the professional advice from the outreach support for and to know my legal rights with my daughter whose nearly (detail removed by Moderator) as I’m not prepared for lose her so need to know my facts before I do this. Well done on telling your dad I’m sure you will feel so much better once you have and knowing he’ll always have your back. Keep us posted on how you get on. Xx

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