Why can't it just be simple?

[Janedoeissad]

The more I think about my dysfunctional (feeling diplomatic today!) relationship, the more angry I get.

Because of him the simplest household job done together is a nightmare. Nothing is ever discussed calmly. It’s always an argument. It’s generally my fault too ( even though I know it’s not!).

Because of him, no trip is enjoyable unless he just so happens to be in a good mood.

Because of him I feel inadequate in most things we do. I rarely feel good enough. Thankfully I have friends who make me feel 100ft tall.

I’m mad that I have to be at someone else’s house to fully relax because he’s filled my head with all sorts of stuff “I’ve not done” so I can’t sit still.

To top it all off I’m really b****y mad because I’m now painfully aware of this abuse cycle, I’ve watched it go full circle in the last two weeks and I just think “I’m a nice person, why can’t you be?”. Surely it’s easier and less stressful to be nice??

Rant over. I’m taking one positive from this rant. I blamed it all on him and not on me…and that’s got to be progress, right?

[Minion]

That’s definitely good progress. You wouldn’t want to make yourself upset. It is sad that these men are unable to realise that they would be much happier if they behaved kindly. I definitely recognise the fact that we are much happier & more comfortable at friends’ houses. I hope one day that we will feel like that in our own home but meanwhile we should keep going out!

[Minion]

I meant you wouldn’t be upset if he wasn’t there, therefore it is his fault not yours.

[Janedoeissad]

I knew what you meant Minion (brilliant username by the way). No worries.

I sort of feel now that I am keeping myself unhappy by staying if that makes sense? A wise person once told me that leaving will cause upset but that it is usually short lived then normality resumes. Since we have no children and are not married, I genuinely feel that is the case. There will be a time of great stress but s happy life after that makes it totally worth while.

I’m feeling brave today though, lets see what tomorrow brings!

[Minion]

Feeling brave is good. Me too and I’ve booked an appointment to go and look at a house. Why don’t you try that too? I’m taking baby steps and trying not to be scared by the bigger picture. Just taking a break for a few months to work on our relationship (but really see how I feel).

[Janedoeissad]

I’m considering my options when it comes to housing. I’m not sure I could cope financially with the mortgage here and rent at another place. And there is no way my partner could afford the mortgage payments alone.

I think I’m going big or staying put. I think if I left it would be for good. The thought of how he would be if I decided to go back makes me feel ill. He’d be a nightmare.

The only things stopping me going are practicalities and the fear of the fall out after. I can’t get myself to tell him I’m unhappy. He thinks all is rosey. He’s in for a shock when I go. I feel bad about that but his moods and responses to things are so extreme sometimes. I never feel I can tell him anything.

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