Why did he choose me?

[Surething]

it’s been nearly (detail removed by Moderator) months since i split up from what i now know was an abusive partner. The abuse was mainly emotional although he did manage to convince me once that him dragging me down the stairs, kicking me in the stomach and telling me i was a worthless piece of S*** was not true so i do now wonder how much physical stuff went on. What i cant move on from is the question did he choose me to abuse and if so why? I come from a close family (he convinced me otherwise) my father died when i was a teenager and my mother has been dependant for the past (detail removed by Moderator)years with Parkinsons – do men like him look for specific people? would another one do the same? how do i avoid it if i have another relationship in the future?

[Serenity]

Hi There,

I have read reams since my abusive relationship ended. I read once that these abusers choose you because they see something in you they like.

They choose people who have good qualities, but who don’t believe in themselves. Or they sense a vulnerability and work to manipulate it. Typically, they go for giving people, as they are essentially takers, and don’t like giving. They feel entitled to receive, however.

You might want to look up in your area for a Freedom or Pattern Changing course, a 14 week course which is life-changing, teaching you to spot a perpetrator a mile off!

On this course,money gave us the poem about the puddle- about how you don’t notice a puddle, fall right in, then do it again a second time, fall right in, but then the third time you notice the puddle, and walk around it.

I dearly hope that I now recognise enough perp traits to protect myself and my kids in the future. They teach you all about ‘red flags’ and what to look out for.

If you can’t attend sessions, it’s worthwhile reading anything by Lundy Bancroft, who speaks about the different types of abusers and their typical traits, and the warning signs that exist.

[Surething]

thank you

[Author]

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