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    • #9122
      Falling Skys
      Participant

      My abuser would rape me (I can say it now). But what I can’t understand was why I didn’t shout or fight back. I just beg him to stop, I would loss my voice.

      I know I was in shock/denial and hid it from myself as well as everyone else.

      What I couldn’t and still can’t compute was that he said he loved me and he took something that was most precious from me.

    • #9127
      Marthamoo
      Participant

      It’s all about control and fear. That is what they get a kick out of. I’m starting to realise that those 3 little words are simply used to keep us hoping. It is so hard to comprehend that someone we love is raping us but if we don’t want it, that is what it is. We are conditioned to conform and accept it x

    • #9129
      Falling Skys
      Participant

      Thank you MM

      Your so right. I fell sometimes that if I shouted and fight he would have stopped, but it would have given him a bigger kick.

      FS xx

    • #9136
      Confused123
      Participant

      U not alone Hun , again they just tire us out so much sometimes it just seem better to give in and let them have it, they had no respect for us yet they say they love us

    • #9145
      Falling Skys
      Participant

      Thank you Confused123,

      I don’t feel so alone knowing that others were the same. I feel worse for not fighting back than the rapes at times, but he weighed between 10 – 15 stone more than me so the weight alone I had no chance.

      FS xx

    • #9147
      Serenity
      Participant

      Hi FS

      I think, also, that we feared the fall-out of if we said no.

      My ex was a great one for punishment- covert and overt. You were petrified of saying no to him, terrified of what he might do to get you back.

    • #9156
      Falling Skys
      Participant

      Too true Serenity

      I had forgotten all the additional abuse I would suffer, not knowing when or what I would get.
      FS xx

    • #9158
      Savingmyself
      Participant

      Hi Fs
      If you had children there you probably did not want to shout out as you would not have wanted them to be get distressed
      When my ex pushed him self on me many many times when I had had enough he made it like a game laughing and saying I liked it . I just thought he had a massive sex drive and put up with it . Don’t blame you he is the one to blame
      Big hugs xx

    • #9184
      Falling Skys
      Participant

      Yes Savingmyself,

      He’d say be quite you will wake the baby, she was in the same room I said I wasn’t ready after the birth it was before my post natal.

      In the end the only time we had sex was when he made me. I started to drink before bed time and he stop that because I was to relaxed/compliant.

      Thank you all for giving me insight it helps to get closure.

      FS xx

    • #9228
      Falling Skys
      Participant

      Bless you softelephant it’s so true I can remember the first time thinking he doesn’t know what he’s doing.

      And you’re in what you think is a safe environment with someone you love. I can remember thinking he doesn’t realise what he’s doing but he did every time he knew it was all about keeping me under control and subversivent.

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