Why do i desperately miss him?

[Healthyarchive]

I cannot understand my feelings which have been constant and almost obsessive now for 10 weeks. I think about him every single minute of the day, I write him letters, emails and texts (never sending any). I dream about him and he is the very first person I think of when I open my eyes. I miss him desperately & so desperatly want to hear from him. We have both had no contact for 10 weeks, he has not contacted me nor i him. But i want him to, desperatly want him to. I know in heart that this is wrong to feel this way. I ended our 2 year relationship, he was mentally abusive and used coercive control regularly, i was reduced to a mental wreck by his mind games & power and control. I knew in my heart and still do that his characteristics were not something that makes a happy & positive relationship. I therefore made the decision to end our relationship. I feel that he regained control by then agreeing with that decision, he has made no effort since then to try to re-kindle our relationship, take his share of blame, say sorry or even pester me! If he did contact me I know that I would say to him that I am sorry but I still see no future for us so It is not as If i want for us to be together. I feel that I am trapped in a prison called Depression and the only way that I can get out is if contacts me, so that I know a small part of him cares. I feel so sad and that I cannot move on with my happy life. There is a chance that this behavour on his part is deliberate, he was fond of the silent treatment when we were together knowing how much it hurts me. It is possible that he knows this now & is just being manipulative. On another point, there are many free books to read on Amazon, some which are amazing and SO akin to abusive men are by HD Tudor on N********t behaviour, my ex had n********t tenancies and these books really do hit it on the head.

[Falling Skys]

Hi

They are so intensive, knowing their body language, way they worded things and the way they changed the rules was all consuming.

I still find myself thinking what could I do to make him happy. I even have the sentence I love you come in to my head. This shocks me because I don’t.

I feel that it’s trauma bonding, and it’s how we survived while we were with them so its going to take time to get them out of our heads.

I hope this makes sense.

FS xx

[Whathaveidone]

Hi Healthyarchive, It is because of the trauma bonding we have with these men. I haven’t yet been able to break free permanently but when I’m not with for whatever reason I miss him so much despite his controlling, coercive and manipulating behaviour which I hate.

[Ayanna]

I hope that other man does the trick and you forget about the abuser. x*x

[Author]

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