• This topic has 6 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 1 month ago by Anonymous.
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    • #165371
      NearlyThere1
      Participant

      He’s finally gone, packed everything and left. Why do I feel so upset when this is what I have wanted for so long? (detail removed by moderator). He was still living in the house up to a few weeks ago and every few days something would trigger him into one of his rants about how s**t of a wife I am, how I don’t show love and affection. Why can’t he see that years of uncertainty, not feeling safe and secure has made me the way I am now? He said that he would never leave, he’s bought everything in the house (not true) (detail removed by moderator) anything to try and take back control but this is the last time for me. Our children are older now, now is the time. So why do I feel so sorry for him? I don’t know where he is staying but when he came to get his things he looked like a broken man. I know I shouldn’t feel sorry for him because it is his behavior that has led to this point but after so long together it’s hard not to. Sorry for the rambling 🙂

    • #165376
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      If ur ex is anything like mine .he knew how to make me feel guilty .like I had been the cause. Played the victim .he knew what to do to make me feel that too.it takes a long time after leaving to lay the blame were it lies.and that’s not you

      • #165418
        NearlyThere1
        Participant

        Yes, I need to keep that at the forefront of my mind. I need to keep reminding myself that we are here because of him. I will not be held responsible for this situation!

    • #165380
      spiritedaway
      Participant

      Nearlythere1 you are clearly a caring kind person and just because you didn’t want him there doesn’t mean you had given up hope that this person may change. There are a lot of different emotions you may go through and not all of them make sense.

    • #165382
      browneyedmum
      Participant

      My ex tries to do the same– tries to play on the fact that I’m not a completely dispassionate person, however now that he’s out of the house, that’s no longer my responsibility.

      I do feel sorry for my ex for some things. However, almost all things going wrong for him all of the time was of his own making and his own doing. So I may feel sad that he’s sad. But I also recognise that much of it is a sort of comeuppance for him. Things I warned him about years ago have come to fruition. Too many times where I’ve felt like Cassandra (Greek mythology) with him.

      Its possible to be grieving the relationship itself once it becomes so real when he leaves. When my ex left, I was so elated… I wanted to sing off of rooftops! Finally! My own time and my own space! That lasted a couple of days. After, I had a few days of despair.

      It’s totally okay and expected to have conflicting feelings upon the leave. But then also, I bear in mind that for most women in domestic abuse situations, the leaving is often the most dangerous piece. And while my ex’s leaving wasn’t great (as if, in any scenario it could be ‘good’), I’m grateful that for me and the children, it wasn’t as bad as it could of been, if that makes any sense.

      • #165419
        NearlyThere1
        Participant

        You are completely echoing my feelings. I’ve wanted and dreamt this for so long, now it’s here I just feel sad. Sad that his behavior has led to this and such a waste of all our time to be in a relationship for so long and to it end up like this. I also feel scared of the future. BUT I am certain that I am doing the right thing and I won’t look back.

    • #165422
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      You are definitely doing the right thing.it does seem sad when we invest so much into something and it doesnt work out how we wanted.but that is not your fault.we can only change ourselves not anyone else.the future is scary but can also be exciting because we have no one behind us making us feel like we can’t do anything.at times I almost feel like a kid because I’m experiencing things I wasn’t allowed to experience.

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