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My husband is verbally abusive, and it escalates when he is drunk and I have felt scared at times that he will hurt me as he has pushed me twice and (incident removed by moderator)
He has left and I cannot stop crying and wanting him back and I wonder why do I want him back so badly, when he has been terrible to me,he has said he hates my guts can’t stand the sight of me and my skin makes him crawl.
He calls me a n********t and has posted all over (detail removed by moderator) when I was in the same room as him that I his wife was a n********t,deleted that we were married and put he was seperated as his status (age removed by moderator) whilst he was living here more times than I can remember, sometimes blocked me as well ,he never appologised once, always said it was true and it was me everytime to say ‘come on’ let’s not do this lets make up.
I used to dread the weekends,He often stays up till 05am in the morning drinking at the weekends,and if I was to come downstairs he would scream at me saying I was trying to catch him out and why am I sneaking around, when all I was doing is getting a drink of water. He would give me the silent treatment for days and then blame me for ignoring him.
What I am struggling with is why am I thinking about reaching out to him and saying lets try and make this work,I keep thinking how it was great in the beginning and I want that back. Am I losing my dignity by asking him to come back? will it go back to how it was if he did ? I just miss him so much my heart is hurting and I cannot stop crying.
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I can’t answer for you, but only talk about my own experience. I felt it was always me who backed down and resolved arguments with my ex (even though he said it was always him). I hate conflict, it makes me feel very bad. I hate anxiety, it makes me feel physically ill. I would do anything to make things pleasant and harmonious again. I kept doing this, and he kept taking advantage of that until one day the penny dropped and I walked away.
i hope you can stay strong. Read or watch what you can about abusive relationships. Lundy Bancroft ‘Why does he do that’ is a good book.
Keep posting. I found this forum was, and is one of the most important ways to stay sane!Many abusive strategies involve confusing the issue by claiming that the victim is the abuser.
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I am new on forum. I feel for you. I have ended my relationship. I feel the incident is unforgivable but want to see him, talk to him, ask him why? Can relationship be repaired? Have him in my life. My relationship as never been easy but some good times. I may not have the same situation as yourself but know how your feeling the heartbreak that’s here when it comes to an end.
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