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Why does he make me feel like he’s the victim?
My ex is an alcoholic – he is no longer living with me
(detail removed by moderator) he was sober
He says that he is not drinking any more
He says that he has never been abusive or violent
Why do I feel bad?Years ago – he had sex with me when I was asleep –
He has been very sexually coercive for years
He has threated suicide many times – threated to go to a prostitute if I don’t sleep with him
But he doesn’t think he is an alcoholic and he doesn’t want the marriage to end
I know that im doing the right thing for me and the children
Why do I keep doubting myself
My anxiety is sky high
My mental health is poor at the moment
Im struggling
I wish I could believe in myself just a little bit -
Hi, I didn’t want to read and run… he is claiming to be ‘better’ saying what he thinks you want to hear.. he is an alcoholic who us choosing not to take responsibility which means he will continue drinking.. he doesn’t want the marriage to end for his own purposes.
You no doubt feel bad as you once loved this mam, he has shown you a nice loving side as well as him being abusive, controlling and raping you whilst you sleep, sex is consensual he uses your body as a vessel. I am sorry to be so blunt .. it is very common for abusers to fixate on having sex with their partners as and when they want … then blame you for not wanting sex.
You sound kind and empathetic, that’s why this doesn’t sit well with you but you cannot help him, he is choosing how to live, behave, drink, all of it is on him.
Sending strength and hugs
HfH ❤️ -
Thank you @Hereforhelp
Sometimes I find it easier when he’s being awful because I feel validated.
When he’s being nice – even for a minute – I find myself doubting myself.
Is this just me?
I wish I could be stronger xx-
Tryingtosleep This is me every single time we go through a nice phase I doubt I stop trusting myself I get so far in this start believing then he turns back into the man i married then i doubt all over again few days even weeks he turns back into a man I cant stand to be near and all the fear comes back. You are not alone. Its why its a circle it neber ends unless you break the chain.
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Hello,
It’s great that you are not living with him any more. Good for you.You feel bad because you have an addiction to the abuser and are suffering withdrawal symptoms. It is essential that you understand this and treat it as you would an addiction to drugs and alcohol. Stay away, no matter how tempted you are.
The only way forward for you should be no contact with this individual. This means he shouldn’t be able to contact you to tell you that he is sober now, or to deny being abusive. You should block all avenues of contact with him and stay away from arenas where he will interact with you.
If there are children, you can manage their relationship with him and their contact through an intermediary.
(detail removed by Moderator) Good luck!
Kind regards
(name removed by Moderator)
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