This topic contains 4 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Couldnttakenomore 3 weeks, 5 days ago.

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  • #71390
     Couldnttakenomore 
    Participant

    I have been I refuge for (detail removed by moderator). My ex partner was extremely violent and sadistic towards me and I fled with help of police. I have done statement which was hardest thing to do as I love this man. Police are looking for him (detail removed by moderator) because he has already served  time  for beating ex girlfriends! I can’t get rid of this feeling of it was my fault and the guilt i feel is over whelming. I tried so hard to be a good loyal girlfriend bit he still punched,beat,slapped,spat at me tied me up whipped me (detail removed by moderator) all these things I feel I deserve because I have upset him crazy I know. I am really struggling with being in refuge evne tho girl are all lovely. Am I going mad?

  • #71395
     Landy 
    Participant

    Not at all. I think we all feel like that at some point. But you absolutely did nothing to deserve being beaten. Making you feel like it was your fault is what abusers do. My ex told me it was a wonder he wasn’t on c***k living with me and that I drove him to abuse me. It’s standard stuff for them to say this.

    I’ve been lucky because I own the house so I have no idea what refuge is like, but others on here will do. The forum has been my lifeline; I truly could not do this without the support on here, so I always advise to keep posting. Nothing is too embarrassing or crazy x

  • #71406
     Iwantmeback 
    Participant

    Hi there, no you’re not going mad. What you have been through was an inane situation, he’s guilty of ‘crazy making ‘ Being in refuge will give you breathing space, time to put logic into the relationship rather than emotions. Has anyone mentioned trauma bonding and FOG (fear,obligation and guilt). There are many books on living with these people, definate eye openers👀
    Welcome to the forum, keep posting and keep reading other’s posts, knowledge is power. You can write about anything that is bothering you, someone always has a reply. Lisa, the moderator, checks our posts just in case there may be information in it that could identify us, or wouldn’t help in our recovery. So don’t worry if you see (removed by moderator) at times. We’ve all had it😉
    💕💕

  • #71412
     EbonyRaven 
    Participant

    Hi, I’m sorry you’ve been through that, and glad you’re away from it now. He’s made you believe it’s your fault, but I guarantee that it absolutely wasn’t, and isn’t.

    IWMB’s advice is on point, as well as the books, there’s loads of videos on youtube too.

    You don’t deserve that treatment, no-one does.

  • #71431
     Couldnttakenomore 
    Participant

    I have been reading up on trauma bonding and it has given me some comfort. I am starting a freed course this week hopefully this will help with my recovery.

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