- This topic has 8 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 2 years, 10 months ago by
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I hate feeling so numb. Theres just nothing and it makes me feel so uncomfortable, like I’m waiting for a huge wave of emotion.
He’s trying to be nice and thoughtful because he almost lost me, but I feel nothing. I know its probably all going to get thrown in my face at some point and hes only doing this for his benefit because I told him I was leaving, so why do I feel like I owe him yet another chance. Why do I feel like I have to resign myself to a life of just feeling this numbness. I feel like maybe Im trying to protect myself or something, but honestly I just wish I could cry until there were no more tears left to cry. -
Shock trauma and having your feelings invalidated leaves us numb. Not that he cares. He sees the pain and shock you are in but he chooses to ignore it and carry on like nothing happened, that behaviour makes us doubt ourselves. Fear Obligation and Guilt. The FOG of abuse keeps us trapped. Also as human beings we crave what is normal to us even if it’s abuse. Total mind blowing dysfunction and brain washing that you need help to untangle x
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Hi there, this might just be another way of saying what KIP said. I agree that it’s self protection. Unfortunately, abuse uses our self protection to keep us stuck. That’s how trauma bonding works.
You don’t feel safe to feel or express emotions, because he has invalidated your feelings for so long. He doesn’t want you to trust your feelings, because he would lose power and control over you.
It’s probably part of the ‘freeze’ state (as in fight/flight/freeze) that the abuse creates through trauma bonding. The abuse pulls you all over the place and you feel like the only way to survive is to freeze/play dead. It keeps you feeling stuck and helpless. Googling trauma bonding may help.
I know it’s really hard, but the strong feeling of wanting to give him one more chance is not a feeling to trust. It’s a feeling he’s dumped on you to keep you stuck. Sending love xxxx
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Thank you both. This makes so much more sense when its explained. I think deep down I know these things but my mind is such a jumble I cabt make sense of it on my own.
I appreciate your responses, it helps to know I’m not crazy to feel this way.
I also dont trust anything I feel right now as well as not trusting his words or actions.Its so hard but I’m so grateful for this forum -
Are you keeping a journal? It will make sense to read it back when you’re away from the situation and you can see what he’s doing written down. It’s also good evidence should you need it x
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I don’t know if this will be relevant, and definitely the other two answers were really comprehensive and probably already covered your situation, but just in case this resonates with you, I wanted to mention that I have found my emotions really flattened when I am around my husband. Like it doesn’t feel safe to express anything anymore, so somehow my subconscious has just plugged it all up. I feel very flat and am weirdly, uncharacteristically calm around him. This normally then leaks out in my (over) reactions to other things that are nothing to do with him.
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Yes the trauma and anxiety that he causes has to come out somewhere and if it doesn’t then it leads to depression when we keep it all inside and our feelings aren’t validated. Eventually it destroyed my mental health. I was unable to work and had panic attacks leaving the house. All caused by his abuse x trauma from abuse stunts our growth, destroys our memory and concentration. Makes us less of a good mother, friend, sister and human being. Get out while you can before every single piece of your being and self is destroyed. He’s not worth it. X
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